Does it make you feel bad?

Feelings.    Sometimes, it is best to make decisions by withdrawing emotion.  Perhaps, your counselor or coach may have recommended this to you before.  It's the day of your meeting with your manager and you still  have not put fingers to keyboard to enter the information for that report.  Oh, you have done your research.  You know the drill and you have gathered some information.  But, you just don't feel like it.  Besides, you don't even have time for the things you want to do like personalize and sending Christmas cards or those postcards to your past clients.  And then it happens to you and you feel bad.  You've done it before and you know you can do it again.  Now - withdraw the emotion - toss the conflicting thoughts to the side - and just get it done.

I'm Fifty Now!

From time-to-time I hear; 'age doesn't make a difference!'  Well, I am hear to say it does.  I have learned from so many experiences in my past - good and bad.  I am forever hopeful I will be able to apply the outcome from my past to present day situations.  I am making a lot of decisions from the moment I arise to the few moments before I fall asleep.  Some of those decisions are routine and almost involuntary and there are others whereby I enter into a great deal of stress prior to making a decision.  Sometimes, I am wrong in the decision and it serves as either a reinforcement or a new learning curve for tomorrow.  However, and for the most part, I could not make the majority of my decisions expeditiously without having five decades of experience behind me.  To the present day I owe my success to the following statement with pride and a sense of accomplishment: 'I'm fifty now!'

The Touch of a Few Words

Do you sit back and think about what you just said?  Most of us probably don't even remember what we said an hour after we spoke.  Amazingly, I have had several recent situations when someone remembered what I said  -  from a very, long time ago. I met with a woman over lunch.  I had had many conversations with this woman and she was pretty much the 'negative Nancy' type.  No matter what or whom we discussed she did not have anything positive to add to the conversation.  This last time was quite the contrary.  She had sparkle in her eyes.  Her step was quicker.  She admitted she had been in counseling.  She told me; 'you know, I always thought you were better than me.  I realize something now.  You find the positive view and I sought a negative view.  I want you to know, I am going to try hard to do better and find the positive things in people.'  Her words touched me that day and I will remember them for a long time.

Problem VS Solution

What a dramatic difference one can make when evaluating at a situation.  I will expand here.  Breast cancer:  my life is over and I can't believe this is happening to me VS I will beat this disease and my family and friends will give me the support I need.  Attitude adjustment:  you always had it better than me - I don't talk to my children VS I want to live a happier life  and am calling my children to visit with them.  Work:  these goals are way to high - how in the world can I double my production in this lousy economy VS I never quite considered setting that type of goal - I know changing my organization of my daily routine can make a huge difference in my production.  Whether you view a situation as a problem or a solution will determine the outcome in your life.

The Strength of the Sun

The Sun becomes more intense as you get closer to the Equator.  The intense light and heat bear down on the house and outdoor light fixtures.  Combined with the Caribbean salty air, the nuts and bolts become one as they solidify. The synapses in my brain fire quickly with Vitamin D.  The words, images, and thoughts race toward the keyboard as my fingers quickly enter each sentence.  I fear I will be distracted by my surroundings before I can complete the transition.  The pool water sparkles as the Sun kisses the surface.  Tropical plants surround me - their petals of vibrant colors against the dark green foliage surround them.  The leaves are different shapes - some are elongated or spiked - some are round and waxy to the touch.  All of these things, living or not, affected by the strength of the Sun.

Time Blocking

Blocking time to share with your loved one is equally as important as blocking time with your associates, networking, and scheduling your day.  There was a twenty-three year period when I did not go on any vacations.  That is correct - 23 years!  There are very positive results from blocking personal time which are just as meaningful and fulfilling as work related results.  Not that we don't do any work on our time away together - that, would not be a truthful statement.  But, I can attest (attestation has become a key word in my mortgage world of late) the short-term get-aways have provided an excellent way to reunite, invigorate, and regain a sense of whom I am and where I am going in life.  In the end my epitaph will probably not reference my work skills but, I'm  hopeful it will say something of my love for my partner in life, my children, and those many important people I have met along the way.

Commitments

When I met the 'man I was supposed to be with' it wasn't exactly like the relationship of my dreams.  Now, let me expand on one aspect of our relationship a bit and the reason it started a bit bumpy.  The single most issue we had - we had some other issues but, they just aren't worth expanding upon today - was commitments.  He and I would make plans - actually, I discovered I made the plans.  He would forget or he just was used to changing his plans at any given point in time and, beg for forgiveness later.  This was a problem for me and it made him feel bad when he 'forgot.'  Finally, I had to stop getting mad at him and myself and find a way we could make plans and enjoy being with our loved ones, friends, and associates without a big issue beforehand.  Back in the day, my three best friends and I always had Friday night as 'girls night' and Saturday night was 'date night' with our boyfriends.  We never broke this commitment foregoing any other opportunities - even if it sounded like a better idea or more fun - and we lived quite harmoniously. So, based on past experience I suggested this concept to my man.  And you know what; it still works!  Commitments:  make it and keep the commitment even if something 'better' comes along.  You will have a much more peaceful relationship with your significant other(s) AND enjoy your life events!

Humble Pie

I made it to Houston, Texas this weekend and also avoided much rain and nasty weather around Baltimore.  I have had a desire to visit Texas since I was quite young.  Having the pleasure to visit twice before in Dallas/Ft Worth a couple of years ago, this trip was even better - it was absolutely wonderful!  Joel Osteen and Lakewood Church was the primary reason for the visit.  It's so true what he says about the people who attend his service at Lakewood.  I would take that a little farther and state 'people in Texas are some of the greatest people in the United States' - perhaps, because so many of them have come from other areas to get away from areas they don't particularly care to associate themselves with and want to live like their fellow Texans.  At least; that is what most of the transplants told me as I visited various areas between Houston and Galveston.  Sitting so close to the stage Joel stood, listening to him live, and having the opportunity to pray with one of his prayer buddies gave me such a tremendous sense of euphoria and happiness and hope.  I also ate a rather large portion of 'humble pie' as I related to the messages this man had to offer his followers today.  

When I Need Help, I Know How To Ask For It!

When my three children were toddlers (they were thirty-three months apart), I used to talk to their pediatrician ad nauseam about having to say the same things over, and over, and over again to them.
He told me I would have to keep repeating myself until they listened.  Ahem; when I told him about my first born crying for six months after her first three weeks at home he told me I would be proud of her some day when she stood her ground and she would show persistence and perseverance.  It was a very hard lesson as a parent to learn but, that pediatrician was right - thank you Dr. Davick!  Okay.  I get it.  Some things take time to learn.  It took me a very long time to learn my pediatrician was right because I had to wait until my children became adults in order to see the benefits from my persistence and perseverance.
My point is rather simplistic;  know when to ask for help as well as understand that results may take time.

Political Correctness Versus Pointed Remarks

Anyone who knows me also knows I can be blunt in my statements and forceful in my beliefs.  Both of these characteristic traits come from decades of learning and experience.  Generally, I don't make blunt comments to hurt someone although I do want my listener to understand how I feel.  Otherwise, I was not successful in conveying my information, concern, or advice to the listener.  I only recently developed a few very basic beliefs as I really didn't have ANY for many years.  I also understand that these two traits come with a certain cost to me.  I realize I can lose someone due to the strength of my delivery.  My daughter, Tara, just told me people can be hurt when I say things.  Ok.  I listened to Tara and I get it.  I also get the fact that too many people have a very fake smile and conniving side to their personality luring others to devastating financial bad decisions to line someone else's pants pocket or bank account with your hard earned cash.  Decide for yourself on which side of the fence you prefer to be.  Caution:  you may learn a lot.  The ongoing Republican debates are surely a good example of political correctness versus making blunt, pointed comments.  Can you truly afford to continue playing costly games or do you want to make good conversation and a direct impact to end in positive results?

Change Something....a little something?!

The world revolves on its axis.  The anticipation of the next change in seasons is upon us. While the rotation and change in seasons is out of our control we still possess the ability to make a deliberate change in our work place, at home, and within.  As inhabitants of this huge rock we call planet Earth we know change is constant.  Throughout our human existence there are certainly ample lessons both theorized as well as learned.  Are you still trying to figure out what to change to make your income higher or shorten your workday to spend more time with your loved ones or gardening?  Change something.  That's right - go ahead and challenge yourself to change a little something in your life.  I'm not talking about something monumental like the path of reconstruction after a tsunami.  How about starting your day an hour earlier to end your day an hour earlier?   Or, what about losing fifteen pounds in three months?  One small change can provide dynamic results.  The thought may be mine but, the power of your success will be yours.

The World is 360!

There are times when I have to scratch my head in amusement.  Sometimes, I am gently reminded not to take myself or life too seriously.  Have you ever had a change in life; perhaps a change that was not by your design?  And, did you end up coming back to the same place or with the same people you thought you had left behind in search of something new or something better?  I have - and it has happened way too many times for me to think it was merely coincidental.  I believe we have the ability to think and the power of free will.  But, I am mindful my higher power is there to take me where I need to be - back to a place I began.

Common Sense..

From my experiences, 'common' to one may not necessary be 'common' to someone else.  I am seeing a division of beliefs in my country.  I am both sentimental and patriotic on this 4th of July holiday.  This day is also my fathers birthday.  He fought in two wars in the US Army.  My eldest brother was in the Navy and traveled the world under sea level in a nuclear submarine.  My nephew served in the Marine Reserves over two decades and left his family state-side several times while assigned to the Gulf War.  Each one of these men sacrificed their lives and their families to serve in the military.  Do the families and people living in this great country that oppose the government our forefathers fought so hard to establish  have family members that fought for their freedoms and right to independence? Living in this land of the home and the brave to enjoy the freedoms our Declaration of Independence gave the people of the United States is a privilege.  Celebrating the remembrance of the hardships, sacrifices, and victories of those that fought for me is common sense.  

A Special Occasion

A special occasion is one that is just that - special.  Over the weekend, I had a rather unique opportunity to have several such 'special' occasions.  There was the shopping for gifts for the two wonderful men in my life - that was special.  I love to shop and haven't done much of that lately.  There was the happy hour at a local fine restaurant in Baltimore Friday night celebrating the departure of a well-respected realtor.  Then, there was the food preparation for a special woman of eighty - a family event - that was a birthday surprise!  A weekend breakfast for two with my son in celebration of his twenty-fourth birthday followed by a dinner with my amazing two daughters, son-in-law, son, and my wonderful mate.  Come to think of it: the entire weekend was a 'special occasion!'

Vacation-What It Is All About-Ralphie

Vacation in European countries lasts a month.  In some countries, businesses shut down during the work day allowing employees to take a siesta or go home for lunch.  Dining and eating is a true 'experience.'  Food and drink is savored emotionally while the tongues of diners welcome the distinct ethnic and cultural foods.  In the United States, a vacation of a week is considered normal.  Anything beyond this length of time is frowned upon by employers and enviously viewed by co-workers.  Lunch is generally in the form of fast food or  brown-bagged to meet the usual thirty minute deadline allocated during the work day.  Our stress level is high. Our overuse of prescription medications match this level.  We chemically alter our body's natural response mechanisms just to manage our day. I'm not saying every person/family should follow the month-long vacation of our European partners but,  I do say 'what is it all about?'

Death in Threes? Not Always

A young man died on Wednesday at the young age of 25.  He was all alone at the time of his passing.  Perhaps, he had been alone most of his life.  He was the youngest of three siblings.  The last child to be raised by his parents.  When I entered in his young life, he could barely spell, he could not cut his food, and wasn't even able to tie his own shoes.  In his last few moments of life, he must have felt so terribly lost to terminate his own life.  Subsequently, there was another death associated with my family and then a third.  A fourth death occurred.  My children and I responded at a different level of despair and grieved over these deaths - each in our own way - and each of us for our own reasons.   Death is around us.  It is a part of life but, does not necessarily occur in threes.  May those who have passed before us rest in peace.  For those they have left behind; may we only regard the good times we shared with them and live together with joy.

Family Events Provide Writing Material

It's early evening on Easter Sunday.  Baking cakes, cooking ham on the grill, and entertaining both young and old with a festive egg hunt have become a family tradition.  The young adults are just as eager to find their treasured eggs filled with wonderful surprises as are the young children.  The little ones so enjoy the excitement and gift bags and dyed eggs.  And then there is Joe and I.  We stand by and watch.  Our efforts of cleaning and preparation until the early morning hours are forgotten.  We know Jesus died so that we could live freely and prosper and are blessed.   We don't forget that.    We smile - we know we are creating family memories.  Perhaps, we are even providing material for the next generation to write about.

Change + Time = Wisdom

As it is coming to a close, I am questioning myself in regard to what I have done for the first quarter of the year.   Conversely, I also think about what my goals are for the remainder of the year.   It is important to note that one cannot have a beginning without an end.  Some of my accomplishments to date may be small, however, I measure my successes by the calendar year.  The successes are cumulative and varied.  I  also recognize I need to realign my goals as I realize how significant 'change' became in my life.  Although I do not recall anyone emphasizing it's significance at any point in time; 'change' is inevitable and has been a factor in determining my success.  Years ago, I did not consider how dynamic 'change' was in relation to my goals.  Time, as well as change, are healers of wounds, are markers for accomplishment, and are what lead us to wisdom.

Writing Has Unique Challenges

Writing sure has it's challenges.  The dog constantly claws at the glass door next to my sofa begging to be let out once again.  The plants surrounding me in my small, side porch seem to be drier than the last time I sat with them so I end up watering them.  The large mirror on the wall appears a bit foggy and I feel compelled to wipe it with glass cleaner.  Even the spider webs in the two corners of the ceiling are a bit more dense and I make a note to remove them.  After being mindful of these items, I realign my focus and begin typing on my laptop.  With a smile I realize the challenges of writing and completing my first book is not just about the lack of creativity or writer's block.

Age - Does It Matter?

The topic of age comes up more frequently now than I can recall from conversations of the past. Age is a primary factor in considerations for employment or a relationship.  It is definitely part of my reality.   I am 'fifty now' as I claim to most people who dare to ask.  But, should age matter?  When the focus of age muddies the selection or decision process perhaps deleting 'age' may be helpful.   At the end of the day, can performance in a productive role in a job or engagement in a successful relationship be reduced to one's date of birth?

Believe In Yourself

When my children were quite young and while I was going through a turbulent time in my life, I had the opportunity to speak with a very wise psychologist.  He was an older Jewish gentleman with a kind voice.  I was unaccustomed to hearing kindness from a man at that point in my life.  My life was being shattered by a nasty divorce.  "If you are okay, then your children will be okay," he said.   It took time for those words to make sense.  First, I had to believe in myself;  I had lost my confidence. I recite those words to others when the appropriate occasion presents itself.  If you are okay, then those around you will be okay.  Take time to find you and believe in yourself.