GOOD GRIEF

 Grieving a loss is one of those human experiences one cannot plan for.  You cannot schedule it.  You don't know when the time will come to begin the process.  It is an animalistic behavior even our pets feel.  Emotion.  That raw human emotion you feel when someone passes or leaves you in either a physical departure at the office or one by death.  No matter how close you may be to someone, the exchange of mental images and emotional feelings into a physical realm of despair, sadness, anger from the separation, hurt, and anxiety is undeniable.  The timing element is one that no one has the ability to determine.  

No one prepares us for death.  My parents tried when I was a young girl.  They took me to the funeral home of an older gentleman who lived down the street.  Mr. Strauss.  They never explained anything about what was going on.  They wanted me to touch him.  I did not.  It wasn't scary necessarily but, odd to see him lay there.  After the funeral, I cannot recall any dialogue about Mr. Strauss. 

I have had more losses in my lifetime than most.  There are a variety of reasons for their passing.  Some in my early adult years of best friends then my grandmother.  I still miss and think about them having fond memories of the things we did, the places we went, and the many holidays we celebrated together.  I especially remember the laughs and silly things we did together.  My grief over these deaths was mainly because I wasn't there when they passed and it was somewhat short-lived.  Although, my one friend baffled me as to why she died so young.  AIDS, cancer, too many abortions, or drugs.  She was so young to die at 27 with so many possibilities.

Present day, I have lost dogs and cats, 4 of my siblings, both parents, aunts and uncles, ex-husbands, boyfriend, and most recently my 32-year-old son.    I don't recall grieving any of them until I lost my son.  I attended funerals, planned my mother's and sister's funerals, and had a grand attendance at both even though these two ladies rejected me for much of my adult life.  I had reconnected with them about 12 years prior to their passing on my terms.  My sister, eldest brother, and mother passed within 6 months of one another.  My son....well, I had a special relationship with him.  Perhaps more than some mothers.  We talked business all the time and he was of great help to me.  He spoke with me about his mental illness.  We could talk for 3 hours on a Sunday morning.  He was handsome, liked to entertain others with his humor, and was very regimented in his routine.  He loved pinball-I found out so much about him from his friends soon after his passing.  We were in a group text for years with his sisters and communicated almost daily.  They all intrigue me and are much more intelligent than I was at their age.

I knew my son was at high risk of passing prematurely-just not so soon in life.  Manic depressives usually pass in their early 60's.  I guess they just get worn out.  It is a debilitating struggle with limited support and understanding.  We had discussed his suicide over eleven years ago.  The impact of hearing of his passing from my daughter was extreme and powerful.  It's been a little over 6 weeks now.  The first 4 weeks after his passing were intense and he was on my mind every second of each day.  My love for him is stronger than I ever knew I possessed.  It's been My grief; I know it is good to grieve.  I also know I will probably continue for a long time although the hurt isn't like it was.  I am in counseling with my son's counselor.  I have great support from my husband, daughters, family, friends and community.  All of us are blessed.  My son's funeral was one of the largest our community has seen.  He and his family are much loved.  It was more like a celebration of life than a funeral.  I am eternally grateful for my son, the 32 years God gave us to love him and find comfort knowing he is still with me.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

Just like in sports or playing the piano, practice makes perfect...well, almost.  The reason I add this is because one is always striving to do better.  Your best today may not be as good as your best tomorrow, next month, or even next year.  Determine where your highest reward or payback is.  You probably have multiple skills you excel in and don't even know it.   Try jotting down the things you do.  Create a list of ten things.  Some of them may not be at a level you are comfortable with.  That does not matter.  If you have the desire, passion, or interest you will quickly assess what matters most to you.

Computers and technology are a big part of what we use to thrive in the business world today.  If you are weak in Microsoft Word, try getting yourself comfortable with the table tools.  Look at the layouts and how you can save documents by naming them for future use.  Play around with it.  Change the fonts and paragraph functions.  You have multiple choices on where to store your creations.  Perhaps the desktop may be a good place for a work in progress-until you are comfortable with the project.  OR, store them in OneDrive or in your documents.  You can also upload pictures from your personal saved items or items from the Web.  Pictures are lasting images your readers or clients will remember far longer than the actual content.  Make an impression.

Use highlighting, bold, bulleting, and different fonts and numbering.  Make it interesting to your audience.  Apply headings in larger print than the content to give an impact.  Try out the different Designs and select Themes.  The software is designed to make it user-friendly while making you look like a pro with drop-downs!  Click and view is available at your fingertips.  You can wrap your text and replace it by highlighting and moving paragraphs, pages, or a single line and save your project.  Use the up and down cursor to quickly view your project.

Start with the 'Home' at the top of the page and click on each icon to view the options.  For those of you that do mailers, you can create email lists and send the final version via email.  How easy is that?  And for those of you that prefer to send mailers via USPS, setting up print for your envelopes is available.   I also like to use the 'Review' section with the Thesaurus or you can even add a Watermark!

Practice.  It is the single most characteristic in strengthening your capabilities, stretching your mind and your talents, and providing a masterpiece for you to be proud of.  Your readers and clients will think you are a master of many talents and may even consult with you on how to improve their skills.

REFERRALS

One part of business appears to be unpracticed and misunderstood by many and perfected by a few.  Referrals.  Whether you refer business or receive referrals you know the power of the referral.  This is overlooked in sales positions as a part of the basic training.  It is seldom revisited in regular meetings and is not taught by managers.  Surely it is mentioned and definitely a topic of discussion. Perhaps the managers never acquired the skill themselves. Therefore, they are ill-equipped to discuss the philosophy and follow through on the benefits of referrals.  The importance of referrals remains clear.  Without it, you will have a mediocre career.  This is where your relationships truly matter.

Who is your best referral source?  What are the demographics or geographic details you need to pay attention to focus on for future business?  I like to think of the referrals as a two-tiered process.  The first part is a building tier.  This requires providing a good level of customer service and satisfaction.  As your experience grows and your customer base increases, you are apt to receive referrals from those you have helped.  They are more inclined to recommend a person when you gave them prompt and effective service or a professional service or product of quality in a timely fashion.  Price may not be a factor.  The second is maintaining a database of your customers for follow-up and developing a system to acknowledge your referral source.  This can be somewhat difficult in a heavily regulated industry such as financial and the type of appreciation you can bestow upon them may have limitations.  

One of the things I learned in mortgage lending was people needed help with their finances.  They wanted to have a discussion.  They wanted to explain their circumstances and heavily relied on a loan officer with a diverse background for help.  Real estate and money and family are very emotional topics.  The interest rate was discussed later in the conversation.  A full discussion to include future plans needed to be uncovered before a discussion of the interest rate.  I quickly found out-one mortgage does not fit all.  There were many people who refinanced multiple times with varying terms and reasons over a 7 to 10-year period.  Some people were adding to their principal balance and paying unnecessary fees and interest because they did not want to have the discussion.  For instance; they wanted to refinance because their neighbor did.  Those that did have an in-depth discussion with me, were more inclined to have a mortgage solution, that made sense and was financially palatable saving them money in the long term.  Those were the people who became repeat customers and gave referrals to their friends and family members to use my services.   And, that is precisely what I strive for today.

If someone wants quality service, assistance, or product, they understand value.  Price isn't their first thought and isn't necessarily the driving force to seek your business help.  Keep that in mind.  Your service/product has value.  It is valued by others.  You work hard and your customers understand this.  That is why the referral system works.  It is a reward for your hard work, level of expertise, and dedication to your belief in yourself.  Knowing your value adds to your confidence and works in tandem with success and prosperity.   

MULTI-FACETED

 One of the things I learned about successful people, well, basically people in general is they are multi-faceted.  No one has a single focus in life including their job.  No one has a single character trait.  As a woman, I learned this to be a fact in my 50s.  I thought people with a learning disorder were defined by that disorder-the singular thread making them who they were.  I also thought a businesswoman had to be strictly focused on her business to be successful.  I believed a woman had to work harder than her male counterparts to gain acceptance and to be a viable part of the community.  

While investing my time in learning and discovering ways to improve my performance and skills, I've read multiple books like Darren Hardy's 'The Compound Effect' or Jack Canfield's 'Chicken Soup for the Soul'.  I read many books but, those two just popped up in my mind quickly.  I also listened to many CDs such as those created by the respected Zig Zigler-American author and speaker.  I attended counseling sessions with a local psychologist while searching to uncover my personality traits and comprehension processes.  I even met with several businessmen over a 7-year period.  That's right- SEVEN YEARS!  And, I learned a lot about how the male mind works and discussed their thoughts, goals, plans, and objectives.  I quickly realized I did not have much input on these topics and soon developed a desire to learn how to put them in place and practice them.   Note:  I didn't know what the difference was between a CD and a DVD until I met them. 

Technology seems to be a profession and industry dominated by men.  My father and brothers were interested in engines and radios, transmitters and circuit boards, and building model airplanes. Even in this day and age, few women seem to work in and specialize in IT (information technology).   Here's another admission:  I didn't even know what the acronym stood for!  I was in search of the magic bullet.  I gradually figured it out to my level of satisfaction; it was not what I expected.  I anticipated something a lot different and I will do my best to finish my writing on this topic at a sooner rather than later date and release it to the world.

I want to share much of my discoveries and findings with others; particularly, women as I feel many topics have not entered into their repertoire of conversations.  They have been rather busy discussing fashion, children, relationships, and the latest sales at the grocery store or mall.  I'm not demeaning them in any way and women certainly discuss a lot more topics than these but, I found it and continue to find it difficult to discuss business topics with my long-term friends.  As my children grew, I am able to speak with them about business.  They are engaged.  

There was another reason I felt the need to begin a women's networking group.  I realized there were others out there - like me.  We have a thirst for like-minded conversation.  Multi-faceted conversations which also included the topics in the previous paragraph and many more.  I discovered while many ladies discussed business topics at length most enjoy reading good books.  Amazon is the largest retailer selling the most books.  Large book publishers follow in second place.  

There are numerous findings on the internet as to which gender reads and purchases more books.  It appears women do and they choose fiction.  Probably to escape their multi-faceted world of domestic chores and the complexities of the workplace while coordinating the activities schedule of the family and figuring out which foods and products are needed for the next visit to the store. No wonder they have embraced online ordering and delivery apps.  It makes sense.   I was thirsty for information and wanted to learn more and I still do as I venture into the workplace as an entrepreneur and the multi-faceted challenges and exciting path before me.

THE END OF THE LINE

 To some, going to the end of the line may seem like an insult or a slap in the face or somewhat disconcerting.  I don't think this at all.  The line is long in the store and I am not necessarily happy to wait but, seize the opportunity to check my emails or text messages on my phone.  If I'm not particularly interested in doing any work or having to connect with anyone, I start looking at the 'fish papers' on the racks on either side of the aisle as my grandmother called them, and read the scandalous titles on the front pages of the magazines.  I have rarely purchased one of them and just like seeing how silly people are and know there is a segment of the population who love reading about the possible hardships and fighting amongst the rich and famous or seeing the pictures capturing the aliens and big foot while people hiked through the woods

I have another particular viewpoint of the end of the line which stemmed from my days in elementary school.  After a workout on the green fields where we played baseball or soccer or on the playground swinging across the 'monkey bars' or spinning on the metal merry-go-round.  Notably, these types of playground equipment are now banned and replaced by colorful plastic types.  I bet we had more fun!  And I know we got more cuts and scrapes and learned a few more life lessons on the cement playground.  Afterward, the teacher would line us up at the water fountain.  She would pull the hands of an aggressive classmate off the other more timid one as they fought to be first in line and send, usually a boy, to the end of the line.  And, it was usually one of the more popular boys I might add.  There were many times the popular children in school got special treatment.  Especially, if they were more attractive than others with their good looks or entertaining behaviors. 

Coming from a family of six siblings, I grew to like being last, standing calm while I watched the other's performance of chaos and the adults became flustered or angry with them.  Faces grew red and overheated, especially in the summer months, while sweat poured from every one of us.  The girls dresses clung to our legs and the boys' polo shirts were drenched in sweat.  I can remember watching; waiting as the line got shorter and my opportunity was fast approaching.  The teacher patted each child on the shoulder when their time was up as they thirstily sucked the cool water into their parched mouths, licking their lips and wiping the remaining drops with their arm as they scurried off to their seats in the classroom across the hall. Some would put their mouths over the spigot or put their heads in front of the water stream. Such innocence and basic fundamentals were learned and so refreshing.  

To this day, I will wait patiently while others strive to be first and get in front of others; racing-always racing against or for something I cannot comprehend.  What I have learned is there are times it is best to stand back and observe.  And, to stand with the most popular boys in my class.  To take in the coolness of the running waters all alone and savor the last few seconds of silence and maybe get a little more time than all the others at the drinking fountain with the teacher.  A bit of time to bond in a way the others lost the opportunity but, I alone, would appreciate.

   

HOBBY OR BUSINESS?

One of the initial questions I had to ask the members of my women's networking group, WOW-Women Optimizing Women, is whether they had determined if they had a hobby or a business.  Heads tilted.  Eyes widened. And some ladies were truly uncertain of an adequate response.  I had to elaborate.  To prod delicately as each one of them was quite passionate about what they did.   I also came back with a follow-up question.  What money had they made so far?  Of course, some of the ladies were in various stages and some held multiple jobs while trying to network and convince, literally convince, other attendees that they were a legitimate business.

A hobby by definition, is something you do regularly in your leisure for pleasure such as reading or gardening.  On the other hand, a business is something you do as a regular occupation, trade, or profession.  It is how you make a living; although, some people are far better at making money to support themselves than others.  It can include making widgets, jewelry, practicing a profession such as a lawyer or a doctor, or even providing a service like a limousine, travel agency, computer service, or even networking and consulting.  We've seen retail change from brick-and-mortar structures to online business hosting a wide variety of products from candles and books to lumber and lighting.  The banking and mortgage industry has changed with people forming them for virtual applications and services without meeting with anyone personally.  

I began coordinating a women's networking group over 10 years ago as a way for business women to get together to share their visions, develop relationships, and build their business.  It wasn't a traditional 'hobby' and it certainly was not a 'business' based on the definitions of same.  It lay somewhere in between.  Clearly, women were doing business together and I was making a lot of business contacts and we were meeting on a regular basis.  The networking group gained in strength and the number of participants.  I kept their contact information and sent out invitations for events.  We shared business cards with one another and I kept them for both future reference and to give to other women as they requested a need for a particular person or business entity.  

Eventually, things changed.  It wasn't until I met a gentleman, Tom Mazerski, at Carroll Community College in October of 2021 that I realized I had the components for a business.  Tom and I started communicating about blogging.  I needed help.  As the weeks passed by and he introduced more concepts and ideas, he began asking questions about what I did.  I spoke to him about WOW.  His voice got a bit excited as he exclaimed, "You have a business, Barbara!    You have a following-several hundred ladies, a logo, have conducted regular events, and have great insight." The latter was perhaps more my words than his.  But, I did have insight.  I had a vision.  I was goal oriented and I knew what I wanted for the group.  I had a full-time job requiring a great deal of time and was in no way ready to begin focusing on a business.  

Then, the opportunity presented itself.  One too many corporate monthly meetings soon had my mind shifting in a different direction.  I realized the time had come.  The networking was ready to shift into a business!  The decision was made on April 14, 2022-a little after 1 pm.  I planted my seeds, started an LLC, and began thinking in a different light.  I started building a website.  I continued the WOW networking meetings and began attending other networking events.  I spread the word and used my WOW FB page to update the ladies as I made progress.  I am still in the infancy of a business and each day work toward achieving the next goal and look forward to a prosperous and fulfilling adventure.  

FOCUS

 How hard is it for you to focus on your emails?  To write a story?  To keep on task with the chores you want to accomplish over the weekend?  What about simply reading a topic or a book or following along with the important memo you received from your department head or manager?

Without focus, your mind may go off on a few different tangents at once.  Reining in your thoughts may be one of the hardest things to do.  You may think this is something you alone struggle with.  Factors that can affect your focus could be stress, fatigue or perhaps you have a bit of ADD (attention deficit disorder).  It can build up until you feel somewhat anxious.  Each of us wrestles with this.  You are far from being alone.  Did you know that hormone levels may also affect your ability to focus?  

If you had difficulty seeing, you would make an appointment with your eye doctor.  I know I do.  Actually, I found out I had an issue with reading on my computer.  I have a 34" monitor to help me as I can split screens in a variety of ways to view multiple web pages and emails simultaneously.  I squinted my eyes and felt pressure as I furrowed my brow to regain my focus.  I am on my computer off and on for 6 to 8 hours a day.  Upon a recent visit to my ophthalmologist and after several of the usual tests she performs each year, I shared my issues with her.  Admittedly, she shared she had a similar problem and we discussed my working conditions and how long I used my computer each day.  "Aha!", she exclaimed.  You need a different pair of glasses."  I am both near and far-sighted and have an astigmatism.  My progressive glasses were not enough. Progressive lenses allow you to see clearly-far, close, and everything in between.  It is a seamless transition for everyday activities and provides a more natural window into the world. I have used both contacts and glasses since I was 19 years old but, never realized I had another alternative.  It worked!!  The computer glasses help me tremendously.  One caveat:  I quickly learned, however, I could not drive with them.  

The same holds true with your ability to focus on the other things in life.  Educate yourself on the topic of focus.  Take time to invest in yourself.  Eliminate distractions and multitasking.  These actions stop you from focusing.  Practicing meditation and taking breaks during the day helps to reinvigorate your brain and is useful.  Sleep deprivation is probably the culprit of many of our issues along with proper hydration.  'Brain slapping', a phrase I coined decades ago can be a useful tool to stop overthinking.  Stopping yourself from allowing the multitude of thoughts by stating, out loud if needed, "I need to focus on..."     When your mind drifts, bring yourself back to the task at hand.  Hold yourself accountable.  Practice a method like brain slapping and take a look at your current habits to change and improve your focus.  Repetition is the way to learn a new skill or habit.  And, be patient.  Making any change requires time.

MIRROR IMAGING

 Just as we see ourselves differently in our reflection in the mirror, we can also outwardly reflect our innermost feelings of negativity toward others.  We project feelings of disdain toward another person while experiencing inner turmoil and conflict.  All this occurs while we view ourselves as the morally just or righteous one.  We all receive information via our senses:  smell, taste, sound, touch, and vision while the perception of the data received is as unique as our personality and can alter how we interpret and respond to a situation.  Our past experiences and observations, activities we participated in, our community morays, or discriminations can play a role in this process as well.  

The viewpoint of self versus the viewpoint of another is conflicting.  It can be evil or aggressive outwardly toward another party while being positive and complimentary of self. Both parties can experience this same effect while in turmoil and conflict while feeling themselves as correct and the other is not.  We may be justified by fact and logic while the other party is dependent on emotion and feelings.  This opposition is most notable in the field of politics or in our religious sector.  We can become afraid or hostile with unreasonable views. Or feel justified in our righteousness and our teachings. This can also lead to misunderstandings, an escalation in conflict, and even physical violence.  

While trying to get my hair under control after a shower, I often brush my hair over the sink to isolate the loose strands while keeping them from landing on the floor.  It is easier to wipe the sink with a slightly damp tissue and throw it in the trash can than sweep or quick vacuuming of the ceramic tile.   I hate hairy floors underfoot. Then, I try to arrange my half-dried strands into a manageable position.  I'm not big on hair driers or hot curling irons.  Have you stood in the mirror and tried to fix your hair with a comb or brush?  It is the complete opposite.  As you pull the hair outward it is just the opposite side of what you intend to do.  It takes a bit of focus and a level of comprehension to understand as the right side appears to be on the left and vice versa.  

I want my image from my mirror to be consistent with how others interpret me.  I've changed a lot from several years past when there was a time I didn't give it much thought.  I just didn't have the time nor would I make the time.  If we want to, if we have the desire, and if we are honest with ourselves we can change our self-image.  We can also change the mirror imaging we project toward others.  We have time.  We can focus.  But, we must WANT to do this.  It is not a need.  Our basic needs are more likely met already.  Wanting to do something is far different than a need.  Changing the way we see and view our world can be done by looking at the side-one side versus the other.  Recognizing there is a difference and we cannot change that of what we see but, can change how we internalize it. And how we respond to it.  Look in the mirror.  What do you see?

  

THE LOOKING GLASS

Have you looked in the mirror recently?  I mean; really looked?  And, what do you see?   Are you seeing a tired face?  A person you don't recognize or are you greeted with a reflection of satisfaction or happiness?  Seeing yourself in the mirror may be different from how others see you.  Chances are, you don't give yourself enough credit for who you are and you walk away flipping off the light switch with a quick shrug of your shoulders.  

For many years, I did not truly see myself in the mirror.  I looked to make sure my blouse was buttoned and my mascara was not too clumpy on my eyelashes.  I accepted the way I looked even though I did not necessarily LIKE the way I looked.  I did not have time to change anything.  I would not take the time for myself as I had so many others to either look after or assist in the upcoming hours.  I became complacent with my looks and was aware others took time for themselves-rising an hour earlier just to savor that morning cup of coffee in solitude or put curlers in their hair or apply a variety of makeup to their face and lips.

My grandmother and I were on the way to bingo one night.   She stopped at the mirror in her one-bedroom apartment before we left. The silver on the back of the mirror had been slowly decaying over the past couple of years.  There were several pitted areas in the middle. She put her fuchsia-colored felt hat on her head carefully tilting it just so until it fit and looked just right.  She gave her hat a quick tug.  Her lipstick stood upright on her dresser atop the milk glass, opaque white glass dish where she also kept her wedding band when she did the dishes or the cleaning.  She always wore red lipstick when she went out. Carefully, she slipped the wedding band on her left ring finger.  She picked up and wound the soft creamy tube about a half inch from the inside of the gold-colored metal container and gently applied the vibrant color to her thin, pale lips keeping the tip sharp.  I stood watching her in my hot pants, wearing red-colored wooden Dr. Scholl's sandals, a halter top, and a puka necklace.  It was summertime in the later part of the 1970s.  

"I don't recognize that Marie," my grandmother said as she stood frozen.  Her eyes moved around as she looked at her reflection.  She was 75 years old.  "I hope you don't get all these wrinkles," she added as she tilted her head slowly from side to side.  She saw herself so differently than I saw her.  I saw her as an independent active woman.  She loved going to bingo 5 to 7 nights a week and would often ride the bus alone to get across town if no one was available to take her.  She knew most of the ladies by name and often stopped to talk to a few of them before she sat down at 'her table'.  She enjoyed watching the news each evening and commented on the topics.  She watched Jeopardy and spoke outwardly to Art Fleming-the gameshow host-giving him the answers.  She was right a lot more often than not.  

I remember that night to this day.  I've often thought about the difference between what she saw in her reflection and what I saw.  The other day, I looked in the mirror.  My first thought was critical of myself and I felt a bit down on what I would focus on that day.  Then, I looked harder at myself and deeper into my own eyes.  I stood very still.  Much like my grandmother did those many years before.  'No,' I thought.  I'm going to be successful.  I'm going to make things happen.  I am not going to quit. I flipped the switch and a smile formed on my face.  No shrug.  Instead, I felt confident.

COMPETITION

I HAVE OFTEN SAID I do not have any competition other than myself.  However, I am cognizant of what others are doing and I look toward them as examples of what I want to do or not to do.  I learn from others.  I learn what they are capable of.  I look at their techniques and listen to them speak and occasionally take a note or two as a reminder for future reference.  As a salesperson, I set my goals in November and look at the current year's performance.  I take note in October of what lies ahead and focus on finishing the year with a look a bit further into the New Year.  Each year, this has become a routine for me.  I keep records of my accomplishments.  

It is important to be aware of others and what they do.  It helps strengthen our tools and often inspires us to become more creative.  I know it does this for me.  Otherwise, I would not be able to grow.  And, I have no problem asking others about their success, and the methods they used to acquire it and then I make an adjustment or two to improve my performance.  I realize each of us has a different set of circumstances or opportunities which can make our work/life balance harder or easier.  In the end, I am fully focused on myself and on my performance.   I recognize what I feel I can do and what those strengths have become-not feel less than or superior to others.  True balance is within the self.  True balance develops over time.  Constraints form.  Internal walls can be built to decrease production and growth but, with practice and tenacity the walls can be penetrated or removed.

Whether the competitive spirit lives within one's self or you are compelled to compete against others, the thirst and desire to strive for better build our confidence and our self-worth.  The competition makes our blood pressure surge and our hormone levels change.  It increases our heart rate and drives blood carrying oxygen throughout our body into every capillary-the smallest blood vessel.  We can visually see the pulsating and rising of our veins beneath our skin.  We are alive with passion in our hearts and the thrill of victory in our minds.  

Competition-the game of champions and the way of life.  How you process the competitive side of your natural self and bring forth the best to your fullest capabilities while knowing the game is always subject to change.  Keep in mind and focus on what makes you feel more successful or what brings you more satisfaction.  It may not include a significant financial gain.

REPLAY, REWIND, RESET

THERE ARE TIMES when I replay the same conversation, the same vision, or the same outcome in my mind.  Sometimes I know I could have done better.  I think of why I made an error in my performance or documentation or omitted important information from a presentation.  I dissect a conversation, tearing it apart, and wonder how I could have handled my share of the dialogue differently.  If I did, then what would their response have been?  Would any of this change anything?  Did I set the right expectations? So many questions permeate my mind as I shuffle these thoughts like an out-of-control six-deck poker dealing shoe spitting thoughts in every direction.

I can spend an enormous amount of time thinking about it.  I've even lost sleep or woke up numerous times during the night revisiting and rewinding to a time before the event took place. I look at the details or rethink my notes.  I have gotten out of bed to go to my computer to look at a series of emails or guidelines to see what I could have missed.  Was it an update?  Was it a meeting note or agenda?  Did I miss receiving a response back from my data center or manager for an issue that needed to be resolved and just thought  I received the answer or clarification?  Sometimes, I felt so sure I got what I needed and would have testified under oath if necessary on my own behalf.

I had an email from a client changing the loan amount on their mortgage one Friday afternoon. I quickly reviewed their loan information.  The change was a multi-step process, but I could easily do it the next business day in time for settlement.  I also had a lot of deadlines and it was getting late.  I made a few quick notes as my family had wanted me to attend a dinner and I was running a bit late.  I hated planning anything on Fridays and my family and friends knew it.  I was usually so stressed from my 50 to 60-hour work week that it would take me until mid-day Saturday before I felt human again.  And, by Sunday evening I was dreading the intensity of the next week's workload.  I placed the important scribbled notes on the corner of my desk next to my phone as a reminder to review and work on first thing Monday morning, packed up my large leather computer bag, and shoved my agenda and some pertinent information to review over the weekend inside the outer pouch.  I quickly exited the building via the back door, carefully unlocking it, and relocked it.  The parking lot was empty.  I was the last person in the building as usual.  

After reviewing my agenda for the work week early Monday morning, I realized I was scheduled to be in another office.  AND, had an all-day meeting on Tuesday in our conference center half an hour away from any of my offices.  Of course, I completely forgot about the notes next to the phone.  I did not make any reference to them in my agenda and had not flagged the email to follow up on Monday morning.  If you are a gambler to any degree, you would have bet I missed the mark on getting the loan amount changed timely for settlement and had one unhappy client.  To 'err is human' so says Alexander Pope, the poet of Enlightenment in his 1711 treatise "An Essay on Criticism to the US Institutes of Medicine's Report on patient safety." And, I might add humbly-to err is certain.  

I was horrified by my oversight and embarrassed.  That situation stayed alive in my mind for weeks until it lost its luster.  No one died or suffered a physical wound.  The issue was resolved and I admitted the error and apologized to my client although it was both uncomfortable and painful.  I had to reset my thinking and put the incident to rest.  I had made errors before and would make errors in the future.  However, I learned a great deal from my mistake.  I promised myself I would slow down and complete a task rather or make the necessary notation in my agenda or calendar to complete it as promptly as possible. Learn and forgive yourself first, apologize, then move forward.  I think this is a sure bet - don't you?

SEPARATING WORK FROM HOME

 Few can deny the frustrations associated with running a household, business, or career while at home.  When living with others or raising children, the work-life balance can easily become challenged.  It can feel downright impossible.  I listen to the constant chatter around this topic and read the myriad of social media and LinkedIn posts on the many opinions and variables.  Recently, people en masse were introduced to the work-from-home option for the first time.  Employers are changing their minds about what they are allowing.  Current data suggests 40% of employers are allowing some form of work-from-home opportunities.  

Although I had worked from home about thirty-five years ago, in 2020 I was one of those people having huge adjustment issues.  It had been a long time since I had to think about whether I should take a break to flip the laundry or take out dinner to start prepping the evening meal.  I want to work uninterrupted.  I like to work.  I don't like to think about coordinating domestic responsibilities during the work day.  After all, when I was in my employer's office building, I didn't concern myself with such tasks.  

I recognized I needed to set up a separate space away from other family members.  I also knew my chair and desk had to be a comfortable fit.  I needed a few work tools such as a stapler, pens, pads, and a calendar like I had been accustomed to in the usual work mode.  I also realized I liked those personal things like my pictures, thank you note cards, and orchids within easy reach and view.  I am your traditional worker.  Surely, the cat sleeping on my desk is a change from my norm.  Being able to get up to go to the bathroom is still something I wrestle with as I try to fit in one more call, text, or email while my leg shakes up and down.  TMI - right.  I know I do not stand alone in pulling myself away from my work.  In fact, many workers worked longer hours while working from home even though they no longer had the commute.  
How you separate the work/home climate and produce and maintain balance is a topic of conversation worthy of jotting down 3 to 10 primary objectives.  Find a routine.  Routine keeps us balanced.  Routine provides a purpose for the day and allows us to focus on a goal or outcome.  I also recognize the importance of setting a time to start and end my day.  I live with people and have to keep their needs and work schedules in focus.  For instance:  I chose to wake up and start my day before my spouse.  This allows me time to ease into the day.  If I have outside appointments, I avoid rushing out the door and can focus on my plans for the day.  I am saving about an hour a day by not commuting to an office.  Thus, having an extra 5 hours per week reduces my stress level, and leaves me more energetic to enjoy my weekend.

VIRTUAL, HOME, OR HYBRID OFFICE

 Lots of discussion these days about having hybrid employment; to work from home versus a physical space in an office of your employer or your own business or rented space.  You can rent an address or host your conference/meeting at a location.  You can choose from a variety of services such as: professional business address, receipt of your mail, mail forwarding, drop off and pick up points, and even lobby and directory listings.  Have you heard of a cybercafe?  You can drink coffee and access a computer to do your business.  And, if you are not interested in the cyber cafe for business you can connect with friends or play video games.  In certain areas of the world, it is the only place to connect with the rest of the world.

The virtual office may have a receptionist to answer your daily calls and take messages, freeing up your time to conduct your day-to-day operations and attend events or meetings.  The virtual office allows you to increase productivity and reduce travel expenses.  An address in an exclusive downtown area will give your future and current clients a sense of validation and trust rather than an 'I work from home' impression.  It can increase your reputation allowing you to still work from the family farm or vacation home in the mountains!  And, that is key:  to work from anywhere in the world.  No more concerns about leaving 10 minutes late and facing the dreaded parking lot experience on the major highway to commute to your destination.

Although the virtual office may sound good to some, the home office can provide an equally satisfying work environment.  There may be some challenges when dealing with the family schedule.  Or the dog or cat may want some more lovins or walks down the block.  And, that refrigerator or pantry may be just too convenient and close to your workspace.  We must define these issues with our loved ones and set parameters.  When I was first told I had to leave my office and work from home in March 2020, I was devastated.  I enjoyed working with my work family.  My husband works outside of the house and feels I need to quit work when he comes home.  I've always been a worker and enjoy my work.  This is something both of us have to adjust to.  The cat...well, it's really hard to get Ms. Kitty to understand so I created a comfy space for her on my L-shaped desk.

I did realize that working from home got a bit old after about six months.  I yearned for human contact.  I could feel a bit of loneliness and understood how some became depressed from their isolation or frustrated by conflicts while working in the household environment for months on end.  Some people told me they absolutely loved working from home.  They could flip the laundry, prepare meals, school the children, and still manage their workload.  They also saved money and time.

When I was able to experience the hybrid office, I was so glad to see my work family again.  And, my employer FINALLY allowed my team to go back out to the community, conduct in-person meetings, and still work from home as much as we wanted.  For me, this experience opened my eyes.  I was confident in a way I had not experienced before.  I realized I could start my own business, working predominantly from home, AND meet people whenever I wanted.  I was ready to take on the new challenges of entrepreneurship and have increased my relationships and found many new and exciting things to do and learn.  

Technology has come a long way.  Employers recognize the changes and have embraced a more humanistic approach to their employees.  Opportunities abound for us to find the best work concept that fits our needs and our lifestyle.

LESS IS BEST

 Decluttering is a good way to reduce the number of items in your home, garage, basement, or office.  There is a policy I learned when practiced, that will keep you from accumulating the stuff in your office.  This application can be used in other areas of your home and office as well.  It is known as the 'clean desk policy'.  At the end of each day and before you turn out the light or shut your door take a look at your workspace.  Are there piles of paper strewn about your desktop?  Are there encrypted messages and manuals or invoices laying haphazardly about?  What is haphazard?  This is a collection of items without any organization.

I wrestle with this policy.  Not because I do not like it but, because I can work some long hours and am too tired some nights to clean up.  I get so involved in many tasks.  By nature, I am a multitasker.  It can frustrate me.  This is a skill I work on and hope to someday master.  When I successfully followed the policy of cleaning my desk off at the end of my work day, I realized the most wonderful things.   One, I looked back at my workspace as I left for the day and usually walked away with a smile on my face.  Two, I arrived the next workday and felt a freshness of a clean beginning to the day.  And, I had all my papers, manuals, and other work-related items filed or put away in a space (locked if needed) I could remember and easily access.

I begin by taking a look at my individual stacks.  Just typing this blog forced me to look at what is on my desk.  My agenda opened at all times with the week's appointments before me for easy access.  The two main booklets I use for notes on my book writing and business lie just underneath.  Business cards and a small indexed file box are within easy reach.  A stack of books for reading and my pens and highlighters and then...I realize something.  It happened again!  Clutter.  I put them in their place too!

Perhaps this blog will help you take a look at your desk and start the clean desk policy much as I just did yet once again-today!  Enjoy the relief of clutter and the awakening of creativity.

DECLUTTERING YOUR SPACE

Do you feel cramped by the piles of 'stuff' on your desk, under your bed or in your closet, in your basement or garage?  I do.  My motto:  cluttered spaces create cluttered minds.  Your ability to think becomes more challenging.  Your creativity comes to an end.  Gradually, over time, you begin to feel frustrated or anxious just looking at the piles and depths of the clutter you accumulated over time.  Some people will even create so much clutter they become hoarders with barely a pathway leading from one space to another.  For those people, I suggest seeking help from a certified counselor.

BUT, for the masses of us the clutter is bothersome and annoying - not debilitating.  Clutter in your office space where you spend a great deal of your day slows down your ability to create and complete your tasks. You may not be conscious of its impact.  Recognizing how much 'stuff' is too much 'stuff' has a bit of a range of when is enough too much.  If you think about it, if you talk about it, if you sit in your chair gazing without much on your mind - a sort of paralysis - I believe you have arrived at the core of the problem.  

We recently had a flood caused by a leak in the copper pipe just above the hot water heater while we were over 1,800 miles from home.  Initially discovered by the cat's caretaker hired for daily visits to the feral feline (aka Ms. Kitty-she had adopted us during COVID 2020.)  That cat ultimately saved us from far greater damage and losses.  After returning from our 7 week hiatus from the life we had comfortably become accustomed to, I decided to take on the task of moving the mutually acquired 'stuff' into one half of the basement.  It took two of us hours to complete the task of organizing.  With each movement of the almost empty metal gallon containers of paint, the plastic shelving units, and red and green plastic containers filled with Christmas items it became obvious we had a lot of unneeded items taking up way too much space in the basement.

I was forced to deal with the excessive 'stuff'' and painfully aware I was a greater part of its creation than I admitted.  I began the reduction process of reclaiming my space.  Throwing a dozen empty paint cans away.  Taking bags of Christmas decorations to the Goodwill.  Rearranging my Christmas wrapping paper bins and the shelving units placing 'like' items on each unit.  It is a work in progress and one I will visit until I feel more comfortable with the items we decide to continue storing.  

In the meantime, that project led me to focus on my office.  One clutter removal process led to another.  I feel my mind is more open to my workspace and enjoy the sensation of less is best.  I look forward to a more productive and happy year in my organized space.

STOPPING TO SMELL THE ROSES

I have learned roses come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes and can exist in various climates.  Roses are named after Presidents and celebrities.  Rose gardens are a challenge of many a gardner; including my husband.  Their beauty is enhanced by the local honey bees frequenting the hybrid bushes we planted in a circular shaped bed in our back yard.  A ring of roses!  Bees are attracted to the nectar and scent.  To collect the pollen they grab the anthers and vibrate their thorax against them to release the pollen.  Their buzzing intensifies during this process.   The bees are also attracted by the color of the roses.

I love roses!  My mother introduced the rose to me at a very young age.  She had several rose bushes outside the front of our home.  She pruned them, watered them, and clipped them placing them in a vase with fresh water and put it on top of my dresser.  I was the only one of six children she did this for.  I enjoyed the smell and looked at the delicate petals; amazed by nature's artwork of color and texture.  The  stems covered with prickly thorns as a reminder of the source of divine creation for their protection. The smell of those roses lasted for several days.  I kept them until stems became limp and the petals had fallen off.  For my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend gave me two dozen red roses.  I felt so special and enjoyed breathing in their intoxicating fragrance for over a week.

Although, we may not be able to grow a garden of roses because of the climate zones we live in (you can check out the USDA Hardiness Zone Map for your area at https://planthardiness.ars.usda.gov/ ).  They are available at florists via the local neighborhood store, retail grocer, or online stores to have them shipped to your front door.  Enjoy the beauty and smell the fragrance.  Life is too short to avoid the connection of the senses to these beautiful plants.  Even though you may not be able to afford or have the time and space for a garden perhaps just taking time to enjoy the beauty of something around you.  Take in the fragrance/smell, focus on the color or texture, touch the object to feel it, and absorb the mental imagery.  Images last far longer than words.  Break away from your daily tasks at intervals - for just a few minutes - to enjoy beauty.

I also have several orchids in my office.  One variety, Cattleya, have wonderful fragrances.  Another variety, Oncidium Sharry Baby, is known for its chocolate fragrance and does not take up as much space or as large nor temperamental as the Cattleya.  I do like the challenge of the latter.  I have a mirror, windows, a black carpet with a gold leaf-like pattern, and a variety of lighting fixtures to provide additional ambiance.  Throughout the day, I take a few minutes to look at them and focus on their beauty.  I am inspired and feel good as I return to my work.  

THE BEGINNING AND THE END

 Just like what goes up, must come down your work week begins and ends.  It's how you begin the week and how you plan for the week which, determine how you end the week.  Taking time to plan equates to success.  I used to think of work as something I had to do.  Somewhere I needed to be.  For a period of time each week.  Usually, with set hours of 9 to 5 from Monday through Friday with weekends and holidays off.  I had a few jobs with varying hours and times and days.  Some required me to work weekends.  There were also times I could not wait for lunchtime or the clock to to show me the much awaited time to depart and go home to do whatever I pleased.  I would go home and make dinner or go out with friends.  

That was the life or so I thought.  No one introduced me to anything different.  My family never spoke about planning other than our weekly camping outings over the summer months.  At least not until I got into a sales position in mortgage over twenty years ago.  AHA!  I became associated with people that  wanted to do better.  People who wanted to reach a goal or make a significant contribution to the workplace.  Some needed a pat on the back or other forms of recognition.  There were others that enjoyed the accolades of posh trips and significant bonuses for out producing their peers and driving up the sales numbers.  It became quite exciting to me.  I wanted be a part of this newly found occupation.  I wanted to have my name on the board and my numbers generate envy and applause from my co-workers.

BUT, I didn't know how to get the phone to stop ringing or take advantage of it.  I couldn't keep up with the messages for my response.  I felt like the proverbial tail was wagging the dog.  I was exhausted before I got started each week.  I dreaded the mounds of files on every surface in my office, including the floor, and countless pieces of torn pages on my desk.  Little notes in shorthand scribbled on them as I could not write fast enough.  I was glad I had two years of classes in shorthand in high school.  

One Friday, I met with a local business man like we did most Fridays for coffee and donuts.  Neither one of us needed the donuts.  We began to realize we were in a bit of a quandry.  The work wasn't getting done due to the enormous amount of anxiety from the endless weeks of frustration.  We had an epiphany.  A light bulb of an idea.  We realized we needed help and began the search of books to read and CD's to listen to and magazines to subscribe to.  We attended seminars with well known speakers.  Each of these sources narrowed down our problem in a few words-planning to succeed.  Sure there were a lot of ways to get there and each of them divulged their magic bullet.  I enjoyed listening and reading and having open discussions on so many topics.

We had a solution and worked on the processes to get control of our work and our week.  We realized the planning and scheduling were a key element to success.  We became more disciplined.  We practiced techniques.  Eventually, we discovered we had time to meet and talk about our progress.  We made a schedule we could live with.  The days were long.  There were fewer sleepless nights.  He managed to honor his commitment to end his day far sooner than I.  Looking back, I had more control over the later part of the 22 years than I thought I did through proper planning and scheduling of my time.

BRANDING

This is not like the cattle branding you see on Yellowstone; however, once you have determined whether you have a business or a hobby you will understand my point of relevance.  Brand is something you want to establish for your product, business, or service for its lifetime.  First; look at what you want to do.  Take time and do your due diligence.  Research is key here.  Google or Bing it for goodness sake!  If there is one thing we know it is the value of a search engine.  Use multiple keywords much like someone would do looking for your business.  Are there other products on the market already?  If so, what do you offer that is different or are you much the same?  Do you offer better pricing?  Do you have the capability of expanding in the future or do you feel you have an adequate location to operate from?  A hobby is well; just that.  A hobby is something you like to make or do but, the prospects of making money from it is not long lasting.  

Think about what you want to do in a long-term time frame and what your end goal is.  Here are a few more questions to answer.  Is this something you can retire with?  Is there potential to sell the business when the foundation for profit is adequately made?  Each one of these scenarios requires a bit of a change in the thought processes and ways you want to approach branding.  Other items may be added to a product line.  Honing in on just one item may not ultimately be your brand.  There are name brands out there you can think of or when someone mentions them to you, an image appears instantly in your mind.  That is a brand.  It is an immediate recognition of the product/service/business.  There is no confusion of what is being sold.   As an aside, a logo represents the brand upon visualization.  The logo is not the brand.

Branding strikes a note like on a piano keyboard.  It is unique.  It is easily recognized.  It elicits an emotion, a sound, or mental imagery.  It is the uniqueness of the business unlike any other.  I started my women's networking group over 10 years ago. As a group we named and created a logo for it and  named a scent of a candle for WOW (women optimizing women).  I wasn't thinking about brand or logo when I started.  My primary reason for creating this local group was devoted to the philosophy of a mission.  To engage other women in a good quality of networking to build their business with others of like-mind.  I wanted to spread the word of WOW.  I wanted to give my gift of leadership and tenacity and teach others to build their strengths while doing the same with others.  Eighteen months ago I discovered I had a business and subsequently created an LLC.  The website WOWWOMENUS.COM was launched on March 1, 2023 to coincide with National Women's History Month.  WOW communicates the mission of building, establishing, referring, and support.  

WOW brings women of all ages, nationalities, religions, occupations, cultures, and socio-economic levels together.  It does not compartmentalize, fragment, or isolate women.  WOW is true diversity.  The brand is the culmination of all things WOW including the logo.  WOW - do it...together!

INCREASING YOUR EXPOSURE TO GOOD RELATIONSHIPS

I attended both a local county chamber event and community business meeting earlier this week. The attendance isn't necessarily what it used to be but, more people are stepping out and attending.  It may be difficult to leave the comfort of your sanctuary in your home office or business to justify the travel time or the expense of attending local events and membership fees.  The "C" (covid) experience gave us another reason to limit our exposure to other people and meaningful community and personal  involvement.  I get it.  I have heard from many people about their pre-existing conditions or their concern for their health as they had such a bad illness and recovery.  I can appreciate that and we should have been using healthier protocols when visiting our elderly in the nursing homes, having large groups meet in small places, or hugging/kissing others when we were a bit 'under the weather'.  No one wants to get sick.  I also realize the positive impact from attending celebrations and events with other people. 

The endorphin hormones are released when your body feels stress or pain.  They send messages to help relieve your pain, decrease your stress, and improve your mood. Endorphins can be similar to that of morphine like the 'runner's high'.  That euphoric feeling you get.  The five 'happy hormones are: dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin.That sensation of satisfaction as you and others experience clean up from the celebration and drive back to your sanctuary as your reflect on  the visions and conversations you had earlier.    By changing your lifestyle through diet, exercise, meditation and attending events where there is human interaction may be the ticket to claim a healthier mindset and overall body health.  Practice and commitment is required.  The more you do something, it is debatable as to how long the change becomes habit forming, the more you are apt to improve your quality of health.

In addition to the other activities, I recently held an event for my WOW - WOMEN OPTIMIZING WOMEN/WOWWOMENUS.COM.  WOW is my passion.  My zest in life.  My desire to help other women come together and enjoy the company of like-minded women of all ages, occupations, and professions to increase their business awareness and revenue.  These ladies are from non-profits, government, library, small business, corporations, or are considering a start-up business.  The feeling of accomplishment and the joy from being together and sharing ourselves with one another brings out the best in each of us.  We may arrive with a bit of trepidation or a sense of anxiety as we wonder if others will find us interesting and want to do business with us or find our mission worthy of a deeper relationship.  The answer is:  yes, we do! 

I look forward to both attending other community events, virtual experiences, and our WOW events.  I hope you will take the step forward to discover the amazing people around you and to embrace what we do.  I also know there are so many people waiting to meet you, too!  We look forward to the pleasure of your company.

BOUNDARIES

Okay.  Okay, already!  I'm reminded of the 'boundary' concept by several people close me and how they desperately need others to abide by their boundaries.  I understand this is a current term being used in the psychology/social/psychiatric community.   Enough of being told I have to accept the 'boundaries' of another individual.  Hmmm.  What happened to the ability to accept one another as we are.  To be mindful of the old adage: 'sticks and stones will break my bones but, words will never hurt me?'  OR, what about compromise?  Have we lost our minds and our ability to negotiate the terms and conditions of a relationship?'

I agree with setting boundaries.  With relationships or with your work practices.  And, I will not discount the importance of setting boundaries with your time to create that forever far-reaching goal of work-life balance.  For some, that may be an obtainable goal.  For me, I am a traditionalist.  I work.  That is what I do.  That is what I like and want to do.  I do not like to sit in front of a television screen for endless hours watching re-runs-unless; it is Kevin Costner's Yellowstone.  Or, movies.  And, there is a limit for them as well. Talk about boundaries.  I refer to Yellowstone. Their lives of the characters are certainly complicated. The importance of the boundaries of their property, the boundaries surrounding the family, and boundaries in their community being central to  this drama series.

Boundaries are something we must deal with.  Setting boundaries can mean and vary from person-to-person.  Our society is not limited by the cultural norms or political agenda of others.  Operating in an ever changing society-the core of our great nation-can instill some trepidation or anxiety but, can also lead us along the pathway to growth and development.  Setting the right expectations, stretching your mindset, and listening and engaging with others allows us to be a larger part of our community, business, and family.  Boundaries can be changed.  They are not necessarily fixed and impermeable.  I hope you take a moment to reflect on these last two statements.  Open your mind, your heart, your life.  Oh, what a wonderful world we live in! 

BAD BONE

 I'm sure you heard the expression: bad to the bone like-'she's/he's bad to the bone'.  I remember listening to George Thorogood's song-Bad To The Bone back in 1982. I really like the song and the beat. I reflect on someone's core when I write this. Perhaps a 'bad bone' is passed down through the genetic line-an unsolicited gift from past generations. A little something within a person.  Someone or even you uncover it as you experience life or engage in a relationship.  Perhaps you've come across a bad bone in a company or affiliation.  There is something deeply rooted.  Embedded within.  On the surface, it may even appear to be a quality characteristic trait.  One you can depend on most of the time.  And then; the eruption.  The volcanic-like spewing of the bone particles enters the atmosphere.  A contaminant.  A dirty cloud of energy.  

The law of conservation states energy cannot be created nor destroyed but, is converted from one form to another.  You make an attempt to ignore the painful argument or poor customer service which results in the aftermath of the explosion.  You know there is a 'thing'.  A bad bone in them.  You look at their face exchanging a series of eyeball statements.  The muscles tighten around the neck and shoulders.  You can feel the tension surge.  Or, if by technological communications you read or hear the backlash.  The sting.  The negativity.  The hurt.  The damage is done.  You have choices.

I had a State job and worked in the administration building of the sprawling grounds; a juvenile detention center.  I was about 21 years old. The population consisted of both boys and girls.  Their crimes ranged from truancy to murder.  The administrator's secretary-Esther-was one of those people that took her role rather seriously.  Too seriously. She was in her 40's or 50's with charcoal grey short hair.  Her face displayed a mean, menacing look when she got angry.  She took on every situation, every person who entered the building, and lashed out when someone displeased her.  She was not my supervisor.  One day, I was about 3 minutes late from lunch.  I had to pass by her office to get to mine which was in the Social Workers office.  Before I could plant my butt in the seat, Esther came storming in with that look.  I practically fell on my chair-partly out of fear.  I looked up into her eyes and they had turned from blue to grey.  Her brow furrowed.  Her lips a tight, thin line.  Her arms flailing about as she interrogated me about why I was late.  I looked at her and told her she was not my boss and my boss was aware.  She stomped her foot on the brown vinyl tiled floor and made a loud 'huffing' noise as she walked out in haste.

Of course, I told my supervisor when she arrived.  My boss had a closed door meeting with Esther's boss.  Esther's niece also worked in the office with me and we told her what happened.  Her niece said she was the same way at home and at holiday functions.  The whole family avoided Aunt Esther as much as they could.  Sounded like Esther's mother was pretty much the same.  The bone had been passed down to Esther from the generation before her and perhaps from many generations.  I dealt with the aftermath of her eruption and practically tip-toed past her office trying to avoid any further contact.  I didn't look at her.  I was embarrassed for her-a grown, older woman behaving that way.   The negative energy in that building and the campus were a bit too much for a young lady finding her way in the employment sector.   I eventually got another job. This was my choice-the only choice at the time. I removed myself from a toxic situation.  She will remain a distant memory.

Wow Intro March 2023 1

I JUST LAUNCHED MY WOW WEBSITE!  PLEASE VISIT AT:

https://wowwomenus.com/

REDIFINING 'NORMAL'

 For many a year, I have stumbled over this word.  Thought about what it means and wrestled with the concept that anything could actually be normal.  I even looked up Webster's:  the usual, average, typical state, or condition.  Now, depending where one is or what one has experienced 'normal' can vary  dramatically.  Is it normal to be in a business where people slam their doors after a conflict?  Is it normal to be 'fashionably late' for a business meeting?  Is it normal to make a MAJOR blunder or error and still keep your job?  Seems to me these types of behaviors have become our new 'normal' and observable on a daily basis.  You can basically say or do anything and there is some managerial and administrative trepidation about firing or writing an individual up.  The fear of some backlash against them for their decision.  

I watch the news.  Not every day as I used to because I cannot get over how much opinion there is about everything versus factual data.  And, how opinion and emotion tend to rule over logic and fact.  Pictures are altered, snippets of a conversation are used as opposed to the actual content, videos will run for weeks with a narrative that fits someone's agenda.  Sometimes, that agenda can cause serious damage to an individual, a company, a community, finances, etc. with little regard for the outcome.  Once the damage is done, there appears to be little to undo the damage.  A life may be ruined as a result.  Is this now our 'normal'?

Some years ago, I was speaking with my long-time best friend and happened to comment I finally felt normal.  She is a beautiful woman and I have known her since I was 10 years old.  I respect her, her friendship, and her opinions.  They are based on fact.  They are based on true friendship which has existed for over 5 decades.  She looked at me, paused, and gently said, "Barbara, you have never lived a normal life".  At first, I felt hurt.  I knew there was no malice in her voice as we sat face-to-face.  It took me a minute to recover.  The words were embedded in my cerebral gray matter and I would think about our conversation for many years thereafter.  She came from a multi-generational family of solid marriage.  Good parents and grandparents.  My family had the 'Stockman Curse' as my cousin Ann claims.  D-I-V-O-R-C-E.  The curse from my grandmother's side of the family.

Through the years, I have struggled with normal.  I have re-defined normal to add:  subject to the experiences, lifestyles, and demographics or geographics one has lived.  I think this is a more appropriate definition.  It fits.  I share it occasionally with others as they wrestle with what is normal in their life and how they struggle to feel and act normal as they find balance as opposed to fighting with their inner self.  

CHANGING THE CHANNEL - WHAT CAN I DO?

The headline news screams at you as you nestle in the latter part of your day into your comfy oversized chair or stretch out on the sofa.  You may as well pull your warm, soft and fuzzy blanket over your head so as not to watch the repeated reels before you on your big screen.  Inflation and pessimism abound.  Mortgage interest rates have doubled since January, 2022.  Over the past couple of years, the news was bleak and you let the words seep into your mind and envelope your soul.  You may gasp or speak out loud against the events and tragedy of the day.  Deep inside you know this is not your world.  You realize you are blessed for the many positive people surrounding you and embrace the mutual love of your family and home.  You are cherished.  Layoff announcements continue as we appear to be exiting the long pandemic.

We reflect on how things 'used to be'.  They are no more.  Some of us can rationalize or accept life's circumstances and some of us still live in fear and anxiety.  The reoccurrence of the illness remains worrisome to those with near death experiences or the loss of a loved one.  Pessimism took a strong hold.  People choose to see the worst in their peers...their family...  Some believed the world was coming to an end.  The lingering aftermath from shuttered businesses.  The workforce loosing jobs.  Offices shutting down.  Landlords loss of income as they could not collect rent and pay their mortgages due to Federal Regulators changing guidelines for eviction protection.  We are constantly engaged in flux.  Our minds may fill with the negativity as the words take over and we give in to the dread.  The voice from within may still tell us to stay inside where it is safe.  OR, to decrease your circle of friends and family and limit the exposure to the outside world. 

This is NOT how we were meant to live!  Life is worth living.  Giving of yourself and interacting with people while having dinner together and enjoying the different wine selection over a variety of foods.  Playing sports games or riding a bike or going to the beach.  Walking around the neighborhood.  Fishing along the stream and wading in the cool waters.  Building a sustainable family garden of herbs and fresh foods and flowers.  Learning to play the piano.  Attending weddings and baby showers.  Reading a book and sharing the story in your book club. Going to church and singing out-of-key at the top of your lungs.  This is the essence of life.

So.  What can we do about our lives?  How can we do better and change them to 'the way we were?"  This a question one can ask of self.  I know I have.  Based on the many communications I have had over the past several years there does not appear to be a single solution.  I remember it was April of 2020.  I wanted to spend Mother's Day with the same family members at the same restaurant chain as we did for over a decade.  One family member was traumatized at the thought of being together.  How I would die after being exposed to other people.  I was not afraid.  I know others were afraid or at least cautious of the unknown.  We enjoyed the outdoor temperatures around a fire in the backyard.  A compromise was reached.

The conflicting information made some withdraw from others while some, like me, strove toward finding balance in a safe way.  The evidence is muddy.  The solutions are not of a simple nature.  There are still options.  There is faith and hope.  There is peace and happiness.  There are businesses succeeding and people paying their mortgages.  Another occupation or starting a new business could be the silver lining in the once stormy cloud looming overhead.  The time may be NOW to look at what you are in control of and turning the channel in the mind or on the set to one of more positive and enjoyable outcomes.  This you can do.

WATER

 Water. H2O:  An inorganic molecular compound of 2 parts hydrogen and 1 part oxygen.  It is transparent, tasteless, odorless and is the fluid found in all living organisms.  It can take form as precipitation, ice in it's solid state or snow, and steam or vapor.  It covers about 71% of the earth's surface.  About 1.7% is underground and the same is found on glaciers and ice caps in Antarctica and Greenland.  Also commonly known as agua.  The adult human body is made of approximately 60%  water.

My purpose in providing this information is to bring awareness of the importance of drinking water for the proper functioning of the human body.  The brain, heart, and lungs are predominantly water.  So are the skin, muscles, and kidneys.  Even your skeletal frame is 31% water!  With age, the body's water content decreases to below 50%.  All the more reason to drink during your business day.  Your body requires a consistent intake of water to maintain an optimum level of functionality.  For instance:  a 154 pound male has about 11 gallons of water.  Your health advisor or fitness guru may recommend keeping a gallon jug of this zero calorie drink with you at your desk or on the job and to strive for 124 ounces per day.

 I was working from home in an area of 6 foot by 4 foot; rather depressing and physically limiting.  I had been accustomed to working in a good sized office.  I was more aware of my posture and knew I needed to keep myself hydrated.  The room was stuffy.  On good weather days, I opened the window.  I tried a fitness challenge during COVID: $600, 3 times a week, for 6 weeks.  We weighed in each week and he reviewed my diet and emphasized the importance of water.  I wanted to quit several times.  He was quite friendly and stuck steadfast to his regimen.  He scheduled a succession of drills using different muscles at two minute intervals-consistently changing up the sessions to avoid 'muscle memory'.  He wanted the group to benefit a whole body experience.  I found it quite challenging and told my friends and family it was much like Marine boot camp!  My spouse agreed. He tried it one time and said, "I gotta give you a lot of credit.  I never worked out that hard in my life."  The coach did not give in to my red face dripping with sweat (I hardly EV-ER sweat) nor did he validate my complaints of how he was trying to kill me!  I was worried about drinking the amount of water he recommended.  He wanted my body to perform at it's optimum.

Even though I had heard about the importance of drinking water many times before I listened this time.  The 23 year old coach made an impression.  I was 62.  He was a driver.   I was determined.  He knew I could achieve far more that I did.  He understood the value of not just a good diet, but the primary component in our body.  The large part which contributes to the whole.   It made more sense to me than ever before.  Although I may not intake the amount I should, I certainly am drinking far more than I have had in the past.  It made sense-finally!  Drinking water was the start of a better health regimen.  Changing my posture from bending my shoulders forward while I work and getting up several times during my day make a huge difference in my performance AND I feel better.

THINK IT THROUGH!

 Have you ever had the experience when you made plans to do a project, put everything together, and mid-way discovered you were missing a few parts of the plan?  Perhaps a few tools or the hammer and shovel to work on your mother's deck?  Your laptop or tablet?  When I think about making a cake or preparing a dish, I start out with an idea - easy enough.  If I am smart, I consider the recipe and look into the kitchen stock to see if all ingredients are available.  I check to make sure the utensils are there.  There have been times one of my children have 'borrowed' an item and failed to return it.  Thus, putting a bit of a damper on my planning and caused me to either purchase another item (a time and money waster) or run to their home to fetch the missing item (time).  Although with the cost of gas prices now, cost could also factor into it.  Through the years, I had a bit of experience with preparing food for family, friends, events, or parties and have a fairly good organizational mindset.  

This process also applies to my business side.  When I wake in the morning, two things occur simultaneously but not necessarily in the same order.  I think what day it is and if I have difficulty remembering on those rare occasions, I think back to my last memory of the day before.  Success!  I know it is Friday! Then, a song usually pops into my head.  A jingle, country, one of my piano lessons and I have that tune carry through most of my morning.  There are times I play the song on YouTube and listen to it over-and-over.  It puts me in a good frame of mind.  Then, I start putting my thoughts together - check my calendar as I brew that first cup of java - the mornings ammunition - and fire off the first round of thoughts and plans for the day.  

I do my best to enter the most important tasks and appointments in my agenda-gotta have a bound, physical copy to take with me when needed and keep it in the same location on my desk.  I like my life somewhat organized and know I am prepared to make changes as well.  The one thing I have learned these past several decades is to be sure to think it through.  Know the weather-it could be a variable.  Know your account balance-this could be important.  AND, consider what items you will need to accomplish your day to make it flow as smooth as the Bailey's Irish Cream in your morning coffee!

Think it through!  Your failure to plan properly can cost you time and money as well as a level of disrespect or frustration from your peers and family.  If someone has to ask you more than twice (once the initial request - second a reminder) you need to find other ways to organize yourself.  Personally, I don't like asking people repeatedly for something when we mutually agreed upon something. Maybe an alarm on your phone at a set time of the day with a notation for the task will get you into a routine.   Re-examine the day's task as well as the next couple of days.  Compile a list of parts and tools in mind or on paper if needed to get the job done.  See if there is any wiggle room.  Fill your day with tasks you can accomplish-not stress yourself to the hilt by setting unrealistic expectations and always know...there is another day.  AND, if you forgot to take the agenda you placed next to your bag before you walked out the door with that air of confidence about you?  Make a mental note to do something different next time like placing it IN your bag.  It certainly is unpleasant to feel the nagging sensation of dread.  This will pass in time.  If you or someone else can retrieve it later-fine.  If not-it is not the end of the world. 

WHY DO I BOTHER RESPONDING?

 Someone says something to you.  You don't like it.  It may be said with anger or hostility.  The person may like to bait you to respond.  I first heard the term 'baiting' during COVID.  People were so up in arms about the slightest word or term and felt someone wanted to use a comment to 'bait' others to respond.  So very touchy and much like drama with children in middle school.    You usually respond-at least mentally-before you put your fingers in action.  As you enter in this process, and hopefully before you send a derogatory comment in return, a voice from within tells you:  why do you bother responding when the person is such an idiot or lacks credibility?  And then it's done.  You responded.  You could not help yourself.  Even when the person lacks credibility.  You know it.  Your peers or family or friends know it and yet you continue to challenge or respond back in the same ridiculous manner. Comments are continually made without substance or fact, full of emotion and opinion, and when repeated long enough are accepted as fact. Pointless counterpoint.

WHY?  Because these people have the ability to raise the hairs at the nape of your neck.  They bring you to a heightened level of frustration and you want to set them straight.  You cannot.  No matter what you do you cannot change another person's behavior.  Remember that.  They have full control of their comments and actions just as much as you do.  

Several years ago, I had received an email early one morning and sent a return emailed response to a co-worker.   I had a busy schedule.  It was one of those days where I had a tight timeline and so many things were going wrong PLUS, I had overbooked my evening appointments and it was going to be an intense, long day.  In the latter part of the afternoon, I dropped off some of my loan files and started back upstairs to my office.  I had absolutely no time for chatter.  I was on a mission!  Well, my boss stopped me and asked if I would mind coming in for a few minutes.  His office was located just outside of our processing center where I had been.  Of course, I said 'yes'.  He was a good boss and quite knowledgeable.  He had a lot of respect from so many on our team as well as other departments of the corporation.  I was proud to be on his team and did my best to accommodate him.

The next thing I knew, he is asking me why I had been hostile in an email to one of the assistants.  I stared back at him with a quizzical look as he continued stating he received a forwarded response and thought it sounded 'short'.  By his tone, he meant I had been short-tempered with my response.  I walked around his desk, re-read the email I had sent off earlier that day.  Nothing about it looked 'short' to me other than it had not been a compilation of complete sentences.  I looked at him and stated as much.  He seemed a bit satisfied with me but, also commented; 'you should re-read your responses prior to sending and perhaps this won't happen again.'

I left his office a bit frustrated.  It was one of the first times I had experienced someone so sensitive to a few words-twisting the contents to a negative meaning when there was no 'there, there.'  Present day, it appears this happens all the time.  That day represented the beginning of my awareness of how some people respond.  SO... in order to keep my sanity and focus on what is real and important in my life, I re-read most emails (several times depending on the length and subject matter) prior to pressing that 'send' button.  On social media, I rarely comment on anything of significance and leave those conversations for face-to-face dialogue so there is no misinterpretation.  

CATHOLIC GUILT

I am sure you have had a relationship or two which caused you pain or indigestion.  A sleepless night or two when you just can't stop the flood of dread and even the light of day does not provide the clear vision or strength to make the change you need.  I have had my fair share.  Sigh....   The ones which keep you up at night or cause you to question your sanity.  Or perhaps you just can't seem to shake the person loose.  You feel sorry for the 'puppies' you have collected.  They are cute and soft and furry and they bite.  They bite hard and their teeth are sharp like needles and  you continue to pet them for another few months or even longer before you just can't stand it any more.

It took me quite a bit of time to realize my short-comings when selecting relationships of the opposite sex.  We would date or get romantically involved.  Our conversations were usually pleasurable and there would come a day when I realized I wasn't getting much out of the relationship.   I feared I would hurt their feelings.  I also refer to this as my 'Catholic guilt'.  I was baptized Lutheran and attend Lutheran and Catholic church services.  My father was the authoritarian in our family.  Looked us in the eye and always said:  'don't lie or tell the truth or it is a sin to lie.'  Every time he did this, I involuntary shrunk and I am sure I looked guilty about everything.  Regardless of whether I did the deed or not.  The look on his face made me feel bad.  Just like when I told someone our relationship was over.  So....I delayed the inevitable and continued to live with the guilt for awhile longer. 

Sometimes, it takes a good look in the mirror.  To view yourself critically.  To judge self as you do others.  I did.  I did not follow my intuitions.  I did not acknowledge the 'red flags' as they waved. I allowed people into my life knowing there were some facets of their personality, their past, or comments from others to be wary of.  My internal sources knew better.  Basically, I continued to make the same mistake.  Insane! 

Time and experience has a way of mending broken fences.  I know if I have a relationship with 80 to 90% of my buckets being filled it is one worthy of my engagement.  I realize no relationship is 100% fulfilling.  Some may argue their one true love is their best friend.  Hmmmm...never found that situation but, came close.  I  also know I can limit my exposure or amount of time with certain people, feel totally happy with them, and have a life-lasting relationship.  I can live without any guilt or sense of dread.  A person has to know their limitations.  

MY WORD!

 Have you ever noticed how a word can linger in your thoughts?  A part of a sentence which just cannot escape your mind?  A word can cause damage or it can create considerable enlightenment.  It can also fill one with such love and joy.  I listen to daily pod casts most week days to grasp onto a word, a goal, a mindset, or an idea to relate to and work towards.  There are times when a word goes deeper, longer such as when you make a commitment; like marriage.  A vow.  The vow.  A slew of words of endearment, praise, love, and devotion to your betrothed.  

I had chosen the word VISION for this year.  That encompasses primarily my business career and writing and of course, I have a vision for the health and happiness for my family.  But, there is another word I find extremely important when it comes to business and personal.  That word is commitment.  When you give a vow to your mate, when you realize you are going to spend time with that one special person for the foreseeable future, you speak of your COMMITMENT.  Without a commitment, without agreeing to the importance of commitment, the relationships and strength of the parties is relatively weak.  

I had entered into a relationship.  I knew full and well I had to have the absolute commitment from the other party to engage with one another in the relationship with dignity and respect.  No arguing; no fighting; no angry fists or abusive language or behavior.  Without a lingering thought, the other party agreed.  He understood where I was coming from.  He knew of my past abusive relationship.  He agreed to honor my request.  With time,  episodes of angry tones erupted from him.  Quips with a crisp tongue for absolutely no reason.  The anger appeared from time-to-time.  It did not go away. It became a daily norm.  It wasn't something we were able to discuss as I got shot down with a menacing look or a loud bang as an object was thrown around me.  I felt like I could not say anything...and, I truly mean this...without him being angry.

The anger continued.  An emphasis on a single word.  The word would penetrate my thoughts and I was determined to remove it from my mind.  I refuse to let a person reduce me to a level I never wanted to be a part of.  I grew up in a family of bad words.  Hateful and angry.  I grew apart from them and had my life of my own.  I created that.  I took the core elements of the family of good and built on those.  I want better for myself.  I continue to hold firm on my belief of commitment.  I know the words.  The right word.  Mend your fences.  Renew your commitment.  Even if you cannot speak the word to the other party.  Change the word of anger to one of happiness.

VISION

 A close friend of several decades, a local estate lawyer, asked me a question the other day.  She wanted to know what my 'word' or 'goal' was for 2023 since everyone seemed to be asking her.  I have a great deal of respect for her and wanted to sound intelligent and thoughtful.  I answered with a bit of hesitation; 'complete' as I truly need to complete my website and get my book out there in the world.  I kept thinking about the word and  her question.  Complete wasn't really what I want for 2023.  I usually say 'there is a story behind the story'.  There was something about 'complete'...something behind it... something nagging me.  Something that was true and much more on point.  

I pondered this rather seriously over a couple of days.  Alas, I came up with 'vision'.  I need vision to see the path before me to complete the tasks I need to do in order to make my year complete.  BINGO!  I realized, yet again, I need more discipline.  I need routine to survive and know I must be flexible like the palm tree to sway and bend as needed.  The palm tree, the fibrous and relatively wet infrastructure,  allows swaying and yet the palm tree has great strength to sustain high winds without breakage or falling down.  I will view the year.  Focus on what I WANT to accomplish.  Not meet others demands nor take them into consideration.  That is how I will be able to survive in this ever changing world and turbulence.  

I reflected on what significant things transpired during 2022.  It started with me backing up into a UPS truck in January.  I had a nasty migraine immediately after and barely got home.  Then the changes. Since parts were not available and repairs could take months, I decided to get another Jeep.  This time, I got a sun roof!  Something I have been wanting since I owned my 1993 Jaguar-I affectionately named her Alexandra.  WHO is one of my main characters in my book:  Aruba Vacation with Aruba Joe-Alex.  In March, I decided to create an LLC for my women's networking group.  I sought a tarot card reader for some insight.   One too many conference calls on April 14th caused me to retire 18 months early.   I started a new busines.  I  retired July 29th, and launched my first novel.  I started piano lessons in July the week before I officially retired.  My husband and I made a few trips.  I even spent 7 weeks in Aruba and was disconnected from work for the 2nd time in 22 years!  I did what I WANTED to do.  

I will move forward in 2023 purposefully.  I will re-adjust my vision as I want to in order to complete my tasks and look forward to an exciting year much like I felt when my children were born.  OR, when I attended college after the semester was done and a new semester began.  I can see clearly now.  I feel rejuvenated.