Have you looked in the mirror recently? I mean; really looked? And, what do you see? Are you seeing a tired face? A person you don't recognize or are you greeted with a reflection of satisfaction or happiness? Seeing yourself in the mirror may be different from how others see you. Chances are, you don't give yourself enough credit for who you are and you walk away flipping off the light switch with a quick shrug of your shoulders.
For many years, I did not truly see myself in the mirror. I looked to make sure my blouse was buttoned and my mascara was not too clumpy on my eyelashes. I accepted the way I looked even though I did not necessarily LIKE the way I looked. I did not have time to change anything. I would not take the time for myself as I had so many others to either look after or assist in the upcoming hours. I became complacent with my looks and was aware others took time for themselves-rising an hour earlier just to savor that morning cup of coffee in solitude or put curlers in their hair or apply a variety of makeup to their face and lips.
My grandmother and I were on the way to bingo one night. She stopped at the mirror in her one-bedroom apartment before we left. The silver on the back of the mirror had been slowly decaying over the past couple of years. There were several pitted areas in the middle. She put her fuchsia-colored felt hat on her head carefully tilting it just so until it fit and looked just right. She gave her hat a quick tug. Her lipstick stood upright on her dresser atop the milk glass, opaque white glass dish where she also kept her wedding band when she did the dishes or the cleaning. She always wore red lipstick when she went out. Carefully, she slipped the wedding band on her left ring finger. She picked up and wound the soft creamy tube about a half inch from the inside of the gold-colored metal container and gently applied the vibrant color to her thin, pale lips keeping the tip sharp. I stood watching her in my hot pants, wearing red-colored wooden Dr. Scholl's sandals, a halter top, and a puka necklace. It was summertime in the later part of the 1970s.
"I don't recognize that Marie," my grandmother said as she stood frozen. Her eyes moved around as she looked at her reflection. She was 75 years old. "I hope you don't get all these wrinkles," she added as she tilted her head slowly from side to side. She saw herself so differently than I saw her. I saw her as an independent active woman. She loved going to bingo 5 to 7 nights a week and would often ride the bus alone to get across town if no one was available to take her. She knew most of the ladies by name and often stopped to talk to a few of them before she sat down at 'her table'. She enjoyed watching the news each evening and commented on the topics. She watched Jeopardy and spoke outwardly to Art Fleming-the gameshow host-giving him the answers. She was right a lot more often than not.
I remember that night to this day. I've often thought about the difference between what she saw in her reflection and what I saw. The other day, I looked in the mirror. My first thought was critical of myself and I felt a bit down on what I would focus on that day. Then, I looked harder at myself and deeper into my own eyes. I stood very still. Much like my grandmother did those many years before. 'No,' I thought. I'm going to be successful. I'm going to make things happen. I am not going to quit. I flipped the switch and a smile formed on my face. No shrug. Instead, I felt confident.
No comments:
Post a Comment