THERE ARE TIMES when I replay the same conversation, the same vision, or the same outcome in my mind. Sometimes I know I could have done better. I think of why I made an error in my performance or documentation or omitted important information from a presentation. I dissect a conversation, tearing it apart, and wonder how I could have handled my share of the dialogue differently. If I did, then what would their response have been? Would any of this change anything? Did I set the right expectations? So many questions permeate my mind as I shuffle these thoughts like an out-of-control six-deck poker dealing shoe spitting thoughts in every direction.
I can spend an enormous amount of time thinking about it. I've even lost sleep or woke up numerous times during the night revisiting and rewinding to a time before the event took place. I look at the details or rethink my notes. I have gotten out of bed to go to my computer to look at a series of emails or guidelines to see what I could have missed. Was it an update? Was it a meeting note or agenda? Did I miss receiving a response back from my data center or manager for an issue that needed to be resolved and just thought I received the answer or clarification? Sometimes, I felt so sure I got what I needed and would have testified under oath if necessary on my own behalf.
I had an email from a client changing the loan amount on their mortgage one Friday afternoon. I quickly reviewed their loan information. The change was a multi-step process, but I could easily do it the next business day in time for settlement. I also had a lot of deadlines and it was getting late. I made a few quick notes as my family had wanted me to attend a dinner and I was running a bit late. I hated planning anything on Fridays and my family and friends knew it. I was usually so stressed from my 50 to 60-hour work week that it would take me until mid-day Saturday before I felt human again. And, by Sunday evening I was dreading the intensity of the next week's workload. I placed the important scribbled notes on the corner of my desk next to my phone as a reminder to review and work on first thing Monday morning, packed up my large leather computer bag, and shoved my agenda and some pertinent information to review over the weekend inside the outer pouch. I quickly exited the building via the back door, carefully unlocking it, and relocked it. The parking lot was empty. I was the last person in the building as usual.
After reviewing my agenda for the work week early Monday morning, I realized I was scheduled to be in another office. AND, had an all-day meeting on Tuesday in our conference center half an hour away from any of my offices. Of course, I completely forgot about the notes next to the phone. I did not make any reference to them in my agenda and had not flagged the email to follow up on Monday morning. If you are a gambler to any degree, you would have bet I missed the mark on getting the loan amount changed timely for settlement and had one unhappy client. To 'err is human' so says Alexander Pope, the poet of Enlightenment in his 1711 treatise "An Essay on Criticism to the US Institutes of Medicine's Report on patient safety." And, I might add humbly-to err is certain.
I was horrified by my oversight and embarrassed. That situation stayed alive in my mind for weeks until it lost its luster. No one died or suffered a physical wound. The issue was resolved and I admitted the error and apologized to my client although it was both uncomfortable and painful. I had to reset my thinking and put the incident to rest. I had made errors before and would make errors in the future. However, I learned a great deal from my mistake. I promised myself I would slow down and complete a task rather or make the necessary notation in my agenda or calendar to complete it as promptly as possible. Learn and forgive yourself first, apologize, then move forward. I think this is a sure bet - don't you?
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