Someone says something to you. You don't like it. It may be said with anger or hostility. The person may like to bait you to respond. I first heard the term 'baiting' during COVID. People were so up in arms about the slightest word or term and felt someone wanted to use a comment to 'bait' others to respond. So very touchy and much like drama with children in middle school. You usually respond-at least mentally-before you put your fingers in action. As you enter in this process, and hopefully before you send a derogatory comment in return, a voice from within tells you: why do you bother responding when the person is such an idiot or lacks credibility? And then it's done. You responded. You could not help yourself. Even when the person lacks credibility. You know it. Your peers or family or friends know it and yet you continue to challenge or respond back in the same ridiculous manner. Comments are continually made without substance or fact, full of emotion and opinion, and when repeated long enough are accepted as fact. Pointless counterpoint.
WHY? Because these people have the ability to raise the hairs at the nape of your neck. They bring you to a heightened level of frustration and you want to set them straight. You cannot. No matter what you do you cannot change another person's behavior. Remember that. They have full control of their comments and actions just as much as you do.
Several years ago, I had received an email early one morning and sent a return emailed response to a co-worker. I had a busy schedule. It was one of those days where I had a tight timeline and so many things were going wrong PLUS, I had overbooked my evening appointments and it was going to be an intense, long day. In the latter part of the afternoon, I dropped off some of my loan files and started back upstairs to my office. I had absolutely no time for chatter. I was on a mission! Well, my boss stopped me and asked if I would mind coming in for a few minutes. His office was located just outside of our processing center where I had been. Of course, I said 'yes'. He was a good boss and quite knowledgeable. He had a lot of respect from so many on our team as well as other departments of the corporation. I was proud to be on his team and did my best to accommodate him.
The next thing I knew, he is asking me why I had been hostile in an email to one of the assistants. I stared back at him with a quizzical look as he continued stating he received a forwarded response and thought it sounded 'short'. By his tone, he meant I had been short-tempered with my response. I walked around his desk, re-read the email I had sent off earlier that day. Nothing about it looked 'short' to me other than it had not been a compilation of complete sentences. I looked at him and stated as much. He seemed a bit satisfied with me but, also commented; 'you should re-read your responses prior to sending and perhaps this won't happen again.'
I left his office a bit frustrated. It was one of the first times I had experienced someone so sensitive to a few words-twisting the contents to a negative meaning when there was no 'there, there.' Present day, it appears this happens all the time. That day represented the beginning of my awareness of how some people respond. SO... in order to keep my sanity and focus on what is real and important in my life, I re-read most emails (several times depending on the length and subject matter) prior to pressing that 'send' button. On social media, I rarely comment on anything of significance and leave those conversations for face-to-face dialogue so there is no misinterpretation.
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