MIRROR IMAGING

 Just as we see ourselves differently in our reflection in the mirror, we can also outwardly reflect our innermost feelings of negativity toward others.  We project feelings of disdain toward another person while experiencing inner turmoil and conflict.  All this occurs while we view ourselves as the morally just or righteous one.  We all receive information via our senses:  smell, taste, sound, touch, and vision while the perception of the data received is as unique as our personality and can alter how we interpret and respond to a situation.  Our past experiences and observations, activities we participated in, our community morays, or discriminations can play a role in this process as well.  

The viewpoint of self versus the viewpoint of another is conflicting.  It can be evil or aggressive outwardly toward another party while being positive and complimentary of self. Both parties can experience this same effect while in turmoil and conflict while feeling themselves as correct and the other is not.  We may be justified by fact and logic while the other party is dependent on emotion and feelings.  This opposition is most notable in the field of politics or in our religious sector.  We can become afraid or hostile with unreasonable views. Or feel justified in our righteousness and our teachings. This can also lead to misunderstandings, an escalation in conflict, and even physical violence.  

While trying to get my hair under control after a shower, I often brush my hair over the sink to isolate the loose strands while keeping them from landing on the floor.  It is easier to wipe the sink with a slightly damp tissue and throw it in the trash can than sweep or quick vacuuming of the ceramic tile.   I hate hairy floors underfoot. Then, I try to arrange my half-dried strands into a manageable position.  I'm not big on hair driers or hot curling irons.  Have you stood in the mirror and tried to fix your hair with a comb or brush?  It is the complete opposite.  As you pull the hair outward it is just the opposite side of what you intend to do.  It takes a bit of focus and a level of comprehension to understand as the right side appears to be on the left and vice versa.  

I want my image from my mirror to be consistent with how others interpret me.  I've changed a lot from several years past when there was a time I didn't give it much thought.  I just didn't have the time nor would I make the time.  If we want to, if we have the desire, and if we are honest with ourselves we can change our self-image.  We can also change the mirror imaging we project toward others.  We have time.  We can focus.  But, we must WANT to do this.  It is not a need.  Our basic needs are more likely met already.  Wanting to do something is far different than a need.  Changing the way we see and view our world can be done by looking at the side-one side versus the other.  Recognizing there is a difference and we cannot change that of what we see but, can change how we internalize it. And how we respond to it.  Look in the mirror.  What do you see?

  

THE LOOKING GLASS

Have you looked in the mirror recently?  I mean; really looked?  And, what do you see?   Are you seeing a tired face?  A person you don't recognize or are you greeted with a reflection of satisfaction or happiness?  Seeing yourself in the mirror may be different from how others see you.  Chances are, you don't give yourself enough credit for who you are and you walk away flipping off the light switch with a quick shrug of your shoulders.  

For many years, I did not truly see myself in the mirror.  I looked to make sure my blouse was buttoned and my mascara was not too clumpy on my eyelashes.  I accepted the way I looked even though I did not necessarily LIKE the way I looked.  I did not have time to change anything.  I would not take the time for myself as I had so many others to either look after or assist in the upcoming hours.  I became complacent with my looks and was aware others took time for themselves-rising an hour earlier just to savor that morning cup of coffee in solitude or put curlers in their hair or apply a variety of makeup to their face and lips.

My grandmother and I were on the way to bingo one night.   She stopped at the mirror in her one-bedroom apartment before we left. The silver on the back of the mirror had been slowly decaying over the past couple of years.  There were several pitted areas in the middle. She put her fuchsia-colored felt hat on her head carefully tilting it just so until it fit and looked just right.  She gave her hat a quick tug.  Her lipstick stood upright on her dresser atop the milk glass, opaque white glass dish where she also kept her wedding band when she did the dishes or the cleaning.  She always wore red lipstick when she went out. Carefully, she slipped the wedding band on her left ring finger.  She picked up and wound the soft creamy tube about a half inch from the inside of the gold-colored metal container and gently applied the vibrant color to her thin, pale lips keeping the tip sharp.  I stood watching her in my hot pants, wearing red-colored wooden Dr. Scholl's sandals, a halter top, and a puka necklace.  It was summertime in the later part of the 1970s.  

"I don't recognize that Marie," my grandmother said as she stood frozen.  Her eyes moved around as she looked at her reflection.  She was 75 years old.  "I hope you don't get all these wrinkles," she added as she tilted her head slowly from side to side.  She saw herself so differently than I saw her.  I saw her as an independent active woman.  She loved going to bingo 5 to 7 nights a week and would often ride the bus alone to get across town if no one was available to take her.  She knew most of the ladies by name and often stopped to talk to a few of them before she sat down at 'her table'.  She enjoyed watching the news each evening and commented on the topics.  She watched Jeopardy and spoke outwardly to Art Fleming-the gameshow host-giving him the answers.  She was right a lot more often than not.  

I remember that night to this day.  I've often thought about the difference between what she saw in her reflection and what I saw.  The other day, I looked in the mirror.  My first thought was critical of myself and I felt a bit down on what I would focus on that day.  Then, I looked harder at myself and deeper into my own eyes.  I stood very still.  Much like my grandmother did those many years before.  'No,' I thought.  I'm going to be successful.  I'm going to make things happen.  I am not going to quit. I flipped the switch and a smile formed on my face.  No shrug.  Instead, I felt confident.

COMPETITION

I HAVE OFTEN SAID I do not have any competition other than myself.  However, I am cognizant of what others are doing and I look toward them as examples of what I want to do or not to do.  I learn from others.  I learn what they are capable of.  I look at their techniques and listen to them speak and occasionally take a note or two as a reminder for future reference.  As a salesperson, I set my goals in November and look at the current year's performance.  I take note in October of what lies ahead and focus on finishing the year with a look a bit further into the New Year.  Each year, this has become a routine for me.  I keep records of my accomplishments.  

It is important to be aware of others and what they do.  It helps strengthen our tools and often inspires us to become more creative.  I know it does this for me.  Otherwise, I would not be able to grow.  And, I have no problem asking others about their success, and the methods they used to acquire it and then I make an adjustment or two to improve my performance.  I realize each of us has a different set of circumstances or opportunities which can make our work/life balance harder or easier.  In the end, I am fully focused on myself and on my performance.   I recognize what I feel I can do and what those strengths have become-not feel less than or superior to others.  True balance is within the self.  True balance develops over time.  Constraints form.  Internal walls can be built to decrease production and growth but, with practice and tenacity the walls can be penetrated or removed.

Whether the competitive spirit lives within one's self or you are compelled to compete against others, the thirst and desire to strive for better build our confidence and our self-worth.  The competition makes our blood pressure surge and our hormone levels change.  It increases our heart rate and drives blood carrying oxygen throughout our body into every capillary-the smallest blood vessel.  We can visually see the pulsating and rising of our veins beneath our skin.  We are alive with passion in our hearts and the thrill of victory in our minds.  

Competition-the game of champions and the way of life.  How you process the competitive side of your natural self and bring forth the best to your fullest capabilities while knowing the game is always subject to change.  Keep in mind and focus on what makes you feel more successful or what brings you more satisfaction.  It may not include a significant financial gain.

REPLAY, REWIND, RESET

THERE ARE TIMES when I replay the same conversation, the same vision, or the same outcome in my mind.  Sometimes I know I could have done better.  I think of why I made an error in my performance or documentation or omitted important information from a presentation.  I dissect a conversation, tearing it apart, and wonder how I could have handled my share of the dialogue differently.  If I did, then what would their response have been?  Would any of this change anything?  Did I set the right expectations? So many questions permeate my mind as I shuffle these thoughts like an out-of-control six-deck poker dealing shoe spitting thoughts in every direction.

I can spend an enormous amount of time thinking about it.  I've even lost sleep or woke up numerous times during the night revisiting and rewinding to a time before the event took place. I look at the details or rethink my notes.  I have gotten out of bed to go to my computer to look at a series of emails or guidelines to see what I could have missed.  Was it an update?  Was it a meeting note or agenda?  Did I miss receiving a response back from my data center or manager for an issue that needed to be resolved and just thought  I received the answer or clarification?  Sometimes, I felt so sure I got what I needed and would have testified under oath if necessary on my own behalf.

I had an email from a client changing the loan amount on their mortgage one Friday afternoon. I quickly reviewed their loan information.  The change was a multi-step process, but I could easily do it the next business day in time for settlement.  I also had a lot of deadlines and it was getting late.  I made a few quick notes as my family had wanted me to attend a dinner and I was running a bit late.  I hated planning anything on Fridays and my family and friends knew it.  I was usually so stressed from my 50 to 60-hour work week that it would take me until mid-day Saturday before I felt human again.  And, by Sunday evening I was dreading the intensity of the next week's workload.  I placed the important scribbled notes on the corner of my desk next to my phone as a reminder to review and work on first thing Monday morning, packed up my large leather computer bag, and shoved my agenda and some pertinent information to review over the weekend inside the outer pouch.  I quickly exited the building via the back door, carefully unlocking it, and relocked it.  The parking lot was empty.  I was the last person in the building as usual.  

After reviewing my agenda for the work week early Monday morning, I realized I was scheduled to be in another office.  AND, had an all-day meeting on Tuesday in our conference center half an hour away from any of my offices.  Of course, I completely forgot about the notes next to the phone.  I did not make any reference to them in my agenda and had not flagged the email to follow up on Monday morning.  If you are a gambler to any degree, you would have bet I missed the mark on getting the loan amount changed timely for settlement and had one unhappy client.  To 'err is human' so says Alexander Pope, the poet of Enlightenment in his 1711 treatise "An Essay on Criticism to the US Institutes of Medicine's Report on patient safety." And, I might add humbly-to err is certain.  

I was horrified by my oversight and embarrassed.  That situation stayed alive in my mind for weeks until it lost its luster.  No one died or suffered a physical wound.  The issue was resolved and I admitted the error and apologized to my client although it was both uncomfortable and painful.  I had to reset my thinking and put the incident to rest.  I had made errors before and would make errors in the future.  However, I learned a great deal from my mistake.  I promised myself I would slow down and complete a task rather or make the necessary notation in my agenda or calendar to complete it as promptly as possible. Learn and forgive yourself first, apologize, then move forward.  I think this is a sure bet - don't you?

SEPARATING WORK FROM HOME

 Few can deny the frustrations associated with running a household, business, or career while at home.  When living with others or raising children, the work-life balance can easily become challenged.  It can feel downright impossible.  I listen to the constant chatter around this topic and read the myriad of social media and LinkedIn posts on the many opinions and variables.  Recently, people en masse were introduced to the work-from-home option for the first time.  Employers are changing their minds about what they are allowing.  Current data suggests 40% of employers are allowing some form of work-from-home opportunities.  

Although I had worked from home about thirty-five years ago, in 2020 I was one of those people having huge adjustment issues.  It had been a long time since I had to think about whether I should take a break to flip the laundry or take out dinner to start prepping the evening meal.  I want to work uninterrupted.  I like to work.  I don't like to think about coordinating domestic responsibilities during the work day.  After all, when I was in my employer's office building, I didn't concern myself with such tasks.  

I recognized I needed to set up a separate space away from other family members.  I also knew my chair and desk had to be a comfortable fit.  I needed a few work tools such as a stapler, pens, pads, and a calendar like I had been accustomed to in the usual work mode.  I also realized I liked those personal things like my pictures, thank you note cards, and orchids within easy reach and view.  I am your traditional worker.  Surely, the cat sleeping on my desk is a change from my norm.  Being able to get up to go to the bathroom is still something I wrestle with as I try to fit in one more call, text, or email while my leg shakes up and down.  TMI - right.  I know I do not stand alone in pulling myself away from my work.  In fact, many workers worked longer hours while working from home even though they no longer had the commute.  
How you separate the work/home climate and produce and maintain balance is a topic of conversation worthy of jotting down 3 to 10 primary objectives.  Find a routine.  Routine keeps us balanced.  Routine provides a purpose for the day and allows us to focus on a goal or outcome.  I also recognize the importance of setting a time to start and end my day.  I live with people and have to keep their needs and work schedules in focus.  For instance:  I chose to wake up and start my day before my spouse.  This allows me time to ease into the day.  If I have outside appointments, I avoid rushing out the door and can focus on my plans for the day.  I am saving about an hour a day by not commuting to an office.  Thus, having an extra 5 hours per week reduces my stress level, and leaves me more energetic to enjoy my weekend.

VIRTUAL, HOME, OR HYBRID OFFICE

 Lots of discussion these days about having hybrid employment; to work from home versus a physical space in an office of your employer or your own business or rented space.  You can rent an address or host your conference/meeting at a location.  You can choose from a variety of services such as: professional business address, receipt of your mail, mail forwarding, drop off and pick up points, and even lobby and directory listings.  Have you heard of a cybercafe?  You can drink coffee and access a computer to do your business.  And, if you are not interested in the cyber cafe for business you can connect with friends or play video games.  In certain areas of the world, it is the only place to connect with the rest of the world.

The virtual office may have a receptionist to answer your daily calls and take messages, freeing up your time to conduct your day-to-day operations and attend events or meetings.  The virtual office allows you to increase productivity and reduce travel expenses.  An address in an exclusive downtown area will give your future and current clients a sense of validation and trust rather than an 'I work from home' impression.  It can increase your reputation allowing you to still work from the family farm or vacation home in the mountains!  And, that is key:  to work from anywhere in the world.  No more concerns about leaving 10 minutes late and facing the dreaded parking lot experience on the major highway to commute to your destination.

Although the virtual office may sound good to some, the home office can provide an equally satisfying work environment.  There may be some challenges when dealing with the family schedule.  Or the dog or cat may want some more lovins or walks down the block.  And, that refrigerator or pantry may be just too convenient and close to your workspace.  We must define these issues with our loved ones and set parameters.  When I was first told I had to leave my office and work from home in March 2020, I was devastated.  I enjoyed working with my work family.  My husband works outside of the house and feels I need to quit work when he comes home.  I've always been a worker and enjoy my work.  This is something both of us have to adjust to.  The cat...well, it's really hard to get Ms. Kitty to understand so I created a comfy space for her on my L-shaped desk.

I did realize that working from home got a bit old after about six months.  I yearned for human contact.  I could feel a bit of loneliness and understood how some became depressed from their isolation or frustrated by conflicts while working in the household environment for months on end.  Some people told me they absolutely loved working from home.  They could flip the laundry, prepare meals, school the children, and still manage their workload.  They also saved money and time.

When I was able to experience the hybrid office, I was so glad to see my work family again.  And, my employer FINALLY allowed my team to go back out to the community, conduct in-person meetings, and still work from home as much as we wanted.  For me, this experience opened my eyes.  I was confident in a way I had not experienced before.  I realized I could start my own business, working predominantly from home, AND meet people whenever I wanted.  I was ready to take on the new challenges of entrepreneurship and have increased my relationships and found many new and exciting things to do and learn.  

Technology has come a long way.  Employers recognize the changes and have embraced a more humanistic approach to their employees.  Opportunities abound for us to find the best work concept that fits our needs and our lifestyle.

LESS IS BEST

 Decluttering is a good way to reduce the number of items in your home, garage, basement, or office.  There is a policy I learned when practiced, that will keep you from accumulating the stuff in your office.  This application can be used in other areas of your home and office as well.  It is known as the 'clean desk policy'.  At the end of each day and before you turn out the light or shut your door take a look at your workspace.  Are there piles of paper strewn about your desktop?  Are there encrypted messages and manuals or invoices laying haphazardly about?  What is haphazard?  This is a collection of items without any organization.

I wrestle with this policy.  Not because I do not like it but, because I can work some long hours and am too tired some nights to clean up.  I get so involved in many tasks.  By nature, I am a multitasker.  It can frustrate me.  This is a skill I work on and hope to someday master.  When I successfully followed the policy of cleaning my desk off at the end of my work day, I realized the most wonderful things.   One, I looked back at my workspace as I left for the day and usually walked away with a smile on my face.  Two, I arrived the next workday and felt a freshness of a clean beginning to the day.  And, I had all my papers, manuals, and other work-related items filed or put away in a space (locked if needed) I could remember and easily access.

I begin by taking a look at my individual stacks.  Just typing this blog forced me to look at what is on my desk.  My agenda opened at all times with the week's appointments before me for easy access.  The two main booklets I use for notes on my book writing and business lie just underneath.  Business cards and a small indexed file box are within easy reach.  A stack of books for reading and my pens and highlighters and then...I realize something.  It happened again!  Clutter.  I put them in their place too!

Perhaps this blog will help you take a look at your desk and start the clean desk policy much as I just did yet once again-today!  Enjoy the relief of clutter and the awakening of creativity.