FEAR FACTOR

 I sat at a red light one morning as I drove to work.  Like cupid's arrow, I was struck with a thought.  Out of nowhere I began to think about fear and mentally ran through events which, had caused tremendous fear in my past.  Walking home late one very dark night with the neighborhood kids after seeing 'Night of the Living Dead' while waiting for one of the creatures to lurch toward us was quite scary.  I lived in fear for many months after that while walking home-a frequent walker in those days.  Getting caught for shoplifting with my girlfriend when we were pre-teens was scary-having to confront her mother and receiving her wrath of anger was far scarier than the police officer at the store.  I lived in fear of doing anything wrong with her daughter again and having to face that flaming red-headed woman.  Water in my face-that is a big one! Caused by my mother at a young age.  Another time for that subject.

I realized I had another fear-the fear of success.  Let that sink in for just a moment.  Fear...of being successful.  Becoming successful elevates one to a different level as viewed by family, peers, and members of the community.  The expectations rise both from within and those around you.  Fear can literally shut one's mind down or cause physical paralysis, cause isolation from the outside world or escape from individuals or situations to avoid an anxious encounter, or keep one from trying to accomplish a task-learn a new trade/profession, and veer away from additional responsibility.

 Fear is a part of our biological make up.  The fight or flight mechanism from the amygdala-an almond shaped part of your brain which, receives signals and causes an increase in stress hormones. Its main function is to regulate our emotions such as fear and aggression and pleasure.    The red flag that waves violently.  The devil and angel on opposite shoulders.  That sick feeling causing a bit a nausea.  A severe instantaneous pain in the temple.  

My fear was real.  I knew I was taking on more responsibility and increasing my exposure in the community.  The success barometer one uses for self can be far different than others.  I felt my children held me to a far greater standard than their father.  The fear of letting them down was minimal but, it was there.  I could feel my fears-no one could see it.  I rarely showed any outward signs other than a flush of red across my face.  I have learned to live with fear.  To respect it and to recognize the triggers causing it.  To take steps to minimize the exposure to threatening situations and fully comprehend the risks when encountering unpleasant or challenging situations.  Even more importantly I have learned success is an attribute.  It is a mental medal of honor.  A feat and accomplishment building pride, confidence, and integrity.

SPONTANEITY

 A difficult concept for some and a surprisingly interesting discovery for others.  Perhaps spontaneity is an in-grown trait; one we are born with as opposed to one which is acquired during the lifespan. I have a friend who plans everything.  Writes it down all the time.  I don't recall a single instance where she has forgotten or confused a time we had planned together in fifty years!  Hey...I have known some people for a really long time and am still blessed with hanging out with them, sharing our children's weddings, or just getting together for Maryland steamed crabs.

I like keeping a schedule-my agenda book-and have done so for several decades-(I like the weekly agenda version).  I could not live without it.  In one book, I have both personal and business events and appointments. Sometimes it is a scribbled mess and I have difficulty deciphering my own handwriting.  On a few occasions, I have made mistakes or missed appointments by either having my agenda open on the wrong week or got really busy in the morning and failed to check it BEFORE I got tangled in the complexities of my day.

However, I have realized to err is human and I manage to give myself some leniency as well as remind myself to do a better job of remembering the importance of keeping appointments and respecting other's time.  Punctuality is a very important part of me and providing a quality level of service to my clients or in my personal life as well as maintain a level of sanity; particularly, when an intense workload or events surround me.

I was driving with my husband on September 11th during COVID.  I had this compelling feeling I had to connect with my patriotism-my belief in my country and it's history of strength and values.  I felt the world around me was losing their minds and I didn't want to fall victim to a fear mentality.  SO.....I convinced him to drive to Hoboken at 3:30 in the afternoon to view the twin towers lit up at night from across the Hudson River.  If you have never been to Hoboken, New Jersey perhaps you would enjoy the Manhattan skyline view as much as we did while sitting at Blue Eyes Restaurant on Frank Sinatra Drive.  The sight was amazing.  BUT, what was equally amazing was his comment to me as we drove in traffic about an hour from our destination.   "You know, since I met you, I have done some interesting things I never thought about."  His spoken words have become a mental treasure.  A gift.  A memory.

Scheduling is all well and good but, what about those times where you don't have anything on your calendar OR when you have an appointment but, you want to change things up?  This is where spontaneous actions will make your day, your job, and your life so much more interesting.  Meet a client at the local ice cream shop instead of the coffee shop, interrupt the group to suggest going outside to talk at the employee picnic tables, take your meeting to the sidewalk and brisk walk for 30 minutes, or pick up the phone and call someone to meet up in the next hour instead of sending an email or text.  Act on a thought or a premise and carry it out to find out where it takes you.  

CHORE CHARTS - CHILDREN AND ADULTS

While raising my 3 children, there was much controversy in the household surrounding the basic family chores from dishes to lawn care.  Everyone creates a mess and lives together so why not everyone take part in maintaining the home, their personal effects, and the outside routine care.  Well.  This is not an easy undertaking.  It requires discipline, follow up, and modification as needed.  One household supervisor is required to keep the flow going smoothly and the disgruntled comments and fighting to a minimum.  

With varying ages and responsibilities like school, work, athletics, and community events this will challenge the best of negotiators and record keepers.  You see; no one wants to replace the toilet paper roll or admit to clogging the toilet or drain.  Laundry-how do you keep the piles down?  And, what about energy related tasks like turning off the lights in vacant rooms, maintaining a comfortable house temperature, or shutting the front door?  

You may get lucky and have one member of the family share the responsibility of supervisor; an assistant.  How can chores be controlled and completed and still maintain a degree of sanity while enjoying a pleasant meal at the end of a day without anxiety and an upset tummy?   I don't suggest incorporating anxiety drugs or antacids.  My suggestion will be a bit difficult to stomach at first and may cause some head scratching but, it worked for years for us.  INDEX CARDS!

Yes, I used 4 lined index cards on the front of the refrigerator-a hole punched in the center and a metal ring going through to easily flip the weeks.  Each card was representative of the chores of the house such as:  taking out the trash and bringing the trash cans back, mowing the lawn/shoveling the sidewalk, washing the dishes, making meals, completing homework, laundry, etc.  The names of the family members were listed on the left and the chores across the line on top of the card.  The week number entered in the space above.  I entered a black check mark under each chore assigned to the family member.  For week two, name one was replaced by name 2, and dropped to the bottom and so forth.  Name two adopted the chores of name one and name one adopted the chores of the last person.  After week 4, you were back to week 1.  Everyone had to clean their own room and make their own beds.  

Interestingly enough, each one of my children wanted to wash their own laundry by age 12.  MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT!  AND, chore charts help prepare your children for a future when mom and dad won't be around to pick up after them. It also keeps the quarreling down.   Pick your battles: if they don't want a clean room and make their bed-close their door.  That is their prerogative.  Give them some control over their own space.  Let each member decide how they want to lay their head down at night or have friends visit their room.  If they keep their room relatively neat, they will have the choice to entertain their friends in the family room or the privacy of their own room.

EVALUATE YOUR TIME

Reviewing the projects and tasks you need to accomplish for the week requires scheduling.  When to evaluate and making time to coordinate is the question.  This is where consistency plays an important role.    Some of these items carry more significant time while others are more time sensitive.  Whether you are in the workplace, at home cleaning out that cluttered closet, or running for a public office it is important to understand the differences of each task.

Evaluate-schedule the time.  Set aside a few minutes or longer if your world is more complex-to write down the items.  I like to use the 1, 2, 3 rule.  You will find out I like 3's.  I have 3 children.  I have owned 3 houses.  I recommend participating in  3 community functions/committees.  One is the most important.  Two is something that has value and is needed to be done and 3 is either something which can be put off OR, completely ignored.  Perhaps 3 will change with time.

As I evaluate what is important I look at dates or the timeframe needed.  Is a task time sensitive and are there other things associated with a task which are either time sensitive OR have a cost value which, may change the order of significance?  Does the task involve other people?  I have worked in a profession requiring many different departments and individuals as well as outside parties which, have to be considered.  A lot of interaction and partners means a lot can change.  Know what is involved in the task.  Get to know the individuals, department personnel, and main contacts of the outside parties.  Be sure to have good contact information and make the information available to the team.  

I also like to refer to the 'IF, THEN, WHAT' mindset-again, 3's.  While studying for my biology major, the lab work was a great hands-on learning experience of this concept.  If you mix compound 1 with compound 2, then this happens.  If it did not happen, then what was needed to make it happen?  Did it need heat or cold-a change in temperature? Did it require an acid-weak or strong-I got it!  Those labs taught  me to 'think it through'-from start to finish.  Repetition equals consistent results.  When you are confident of the process and what your end is going to look like, you will have a better grasp of your evaluation.  For instance; if my client has all the information I need, then I can prepare for my next step, and proceed toward my finish.  But, what if there is an issue that erupts during the process I need to know WHAT course of action is needed to complete to the finish.  Have alternatives in mind-know you may have 2 or 3 things you can resort to OR 1 with a limitation.  Be prepared for the WHAT.

When you complete the evaluation task, keep notes as they may become handy along the way as  reminders and references.  Handling multiple tasks, evaluating their significance and time constraints, will provide a good framework for your success.

EMOTION VS FACT

 We have become a society, primarily due to immediate access to news and social media, to form an opinion on many topics such as:  celebrities, politicians, world news, finances, and high profile legal cases.  The media determines the most significant topics to release to the public. News was available at certain hours of the day for viewing or listening or reading.  Local, national, international, and the weather news had designated time slots.     You knew EXACTLY when to tune in.  We were dependent on the source and content.  

WOW!  Has the news changed.   News is now accessible 24/7.  With the tip of a finger we can view, read, or listen to the news.  In addition, information can be vastly different from  one source to another.   Information once labeled as 'confidential' or 'classified' or 'not for public'  are leaked by organizations or individuals.  Military strategies are discussed and presented openly via graphs, description of  tactics, weaponry, and tallies of  the innocent, the injured or the deaths revealed.  Live scenes of violence and mayhem and rioting are displayed.  Most of us have seen the atrocities of war from the comforts of our home.  We have become accustomed and insensitive to horrible acts and crimes.  

We have also viewed sensational natural disasters such as wild fires, hurricanes, mud slides, tsunamis, earthquake, and other extreme conditions in real time.  The multi-media sources bring forth the information with clear pictures and interviews of people at the scene.  Real time-real news.  Realty shows of dysfunctional families and individuals became mainstream viewing.  A cast of talk show hosts discuss a topic-viewers take in their comments-sometimes as fact.

The journalists, talk show hosts, and news men/women provide their insight-their 'spin' of the news.  Opinions and predictions of outcomes-even major political elections and politicians-have become mainstream.  The emotion of the events are discussed and visible.  Our opinions and predictions, depending on the source of information, are made as a result.  It can become all consuming.  After a major State election, I decided to turn off the news for a two-year period.  I was so bothered by the emotional opinions as opposed to lack of factual information AND I did not like the anxiety I felt as a result.  

I decided I had to become more diligent in my research of  a topic I was interested in OR one that appeared incredulous.  I once remembered a psychology professor pointing out:  'even a compulsive liar has some truth in a statement.'  Point well taken.  I decided the importance and my responsibility was to consider the content but, do some research.  Find the facts.  Consider the source.  Make an objective decision and learn.  Emotion may sell viewership and drive curiosity and can even steer the results in life changing decisions.  Facts, once uncovered-you may have to dig rather deep-will provide a more solid foundation in decision making and a possible time saving factor. 

GOAL SETTING - OH NO!

Setting a goal for yourself and maintaining or completing it is probably one of the most difficult of tasks.  New Year's Eve resolution; a goal.  Losing weight; a goal.  Improving your performance at the gym; a goal.  Blocking time for work projects; yet another goal.  You have to start somewhere.  I choose November each year-before my manager asks for my next years' goals.  I have conditioned myself as a result of having multiple managers to be prepared to show my numbers.  I realized it did not matter who my manager was-male or female/experienced with true leadership skills or not-the bottom line is this:  I NEED to know where I am headed.  

Goals can be broken down.  An outline format or template may prove quite useful. They are less troubling and less scary when you do.  Keeping up with the accountability of your progress can be daunting.  Since I work in sales, I use my previous years'  production as a starter.  I consider the marketplace/trends to be realistic.  I challenge myself to increase my production over the previous year.  Take note of the months of the year which, tend to have less or more business than others such as during the vacation/summer months and at the holidays.  Prepare in advance so those months have the least negative/most positive impact on your production.  You still have to eat and pay your rent/mortgage each month.   Once you learn the trends of what and when you do things it is possible to also learn about yourself-your personality and accountability factors for instance or your weaknesses and strengths.  And, what days of the week are most productive as well as the down times of your day or when planning or calling is more effective.

Break it down!   If you don't have a clue where to begin and you know Mondays are sluggish after your weekend, start the day 30 to 60 minutes earlier.  Use 15 minutes of meditation to work on your focus.  Write a list of  tasks for the week.  Start the week off with a challenge or two.  Call that difficult client you put off from Friday and start fresh.  Get a hard task or two done.  It will make the remainder of the day flow smoother.  Set your mind up for success-not failure.  Don't forget to consider the interruptions throughout the day.  Business has become a Zoom and conference call model as opposed to face-to-face meetings.    You may not have control of the people who plan these events BUT, you do have control over your thought processes.  Realize your manager has to report to his higher ups for accountability and production.  If you are a manager, listen to your team.  Scheduling conference calls on Tuesday through Thursday when these days may be the teams highest production time is COUNTER productive.   Starting a meeting with a clear agenda with firm start and stop times will maintain focus and clarity of information.  15 to 30 minutes is recommended for virtual meetings.  52 minutes is cited as being the average meeting.  Participant age may be a factor.

These are all examples of goals and actual workplace experiences.  Of course, you may have different circumstances.  Your application to healthy goal practices will vary.  Setting goals is fluid and subject to change.  Obviously, if your top-selling product is no longer available you will need to change your strategy.  OR, if you obtain a new territory or have to add/delete accounts the goals will need adjustment.  Keep a copy of your goals handy to reference periodically and in a format you can easily change.  

DO WHAT IS RIGHT-EVEN WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING

YEARS AGO....I took money from someone.  I was a small child and no one was looking.  I was scared and still do not like to think about it; even though it was some loose change.  I did the wrong thing while no one was looking and I was fully aware of  'thou shall not steal'.  Certainly, not something you ever forget.  I learned that from my parents and Sunday school.  

I was working late one evening and one of the security people was in my building-something I did with regularity.  She usually stopped in as it was on her way home to catch up on some last minute emails- since we were not able to work from home as that time.    She impressed me with her knowledge and background at such a young age.  I happened to strike up a conversation with her about her experience  as an investigator and she elaborated on the stupid things people do. She went on to explain one particular encounter with a young woman.  The woman was caught on video removing money from a cash drawer.  There was no one around her.  She was all alone and seized the opportunity to stash handfuls of paper money down the front of her pants, close the drawer, and stand there waiting for the next customer.  AS IF, nothing had occurred.  The video was a bit grainy back in those days but, clear enough to catch the criminal act in its entirety.

WELL, when the investigator met with the woman she adamantly denied the event.  She said it was NOT her in the video.  Her supervisor and several co-workers had identified her prior to the initial meeting with the culprit.  When asked several times during the interview, the woman stood her ground stating 'you have the wrong person.'  It is known an investigator does not ask a question they already do not have the answer to.  Apparently, the young woman could not care less.  Her composure and her ability to remain calm during the interview struck the investigator as rather noteworthy.  And, somewhat incredulous at the time as most people caught on video would confess with a look of horror or guilt and some would even break down in tears as they explained the rationale behind 'the steal'.  They were fully aware of the consequences and knew they would be fired if they were caught.  They knew the risk.  I knew what I did was wrong.

Even when no one is looking, doing the right thing is a good practice.  And it doesn't mean about a criminal act.  I am talking about anything you do in life.  Practicing the right thing generally leads to sound judgment and provides you with opportunities for growth.  Others will respect you and take heed.  Lead by example; to your children and family, your community, and in your work place.  The rewards with not go unnoticed.