FEAR FACTOR

 I sat at a red light one morning as I drove to work.  Like cupid's arrow, I was struck with a thought.  Out of nowhere I began to think about fear and mentally ran through events which, had caused tremendous fear in my past.  Walking home late one very dark night with the neighborhood kids after seeing 'Night of the Living Dead' while waiting for one of the creatures to lurch toward us was quite scary.  I lived in fear for many months after that while walking home-a frequent walker in those days.  Getting caught for shoplifting with my girlfriend when we were pre-teens was scary-having to confront her mother and receiving her wrath of anger was far scarier than the police officer at the store.  I lived in fear of doing anything wrong with her daughter again and having to face that flaming red-headed woman.  Water in my face-that is a big one! Caused by my mother at a young age.  Another time for that subject.

I realized I had another fear-the fear of success.  Let that sink in for just a moment.  Fear...of being successful.  Becoming successful elevates one to a different level as viewed by family, peers, and members of the community.  The expectations rise both from within and those around you.  Fear can literally shut one's mind down or cause physical paralysis, cause isolation from the outside world or escape from individuals or situations to avoid an anxious encounter, or keep one from trying to accomplish a task-learn a new trade/profession, and veer away from additional responsibility.

 Fear is a part of our biological make up.  The fight or flight mechanism from the amygdala-an almond shaped part of your brain which, receives signals and causes an increase in stress hormones. Its main function is to regulate our emotions such as fear and aggression and pleasure.    The red flag that waves violently.  The devil and angel on opposite shoulders.  That sick feeling causing a bit a nausea.  A severe instantaneous pain in the temple.  

My fear was real.  I knew I was taking on more responsibility and increasing my exposure in the community.  The success barometer one uses for self can be far different than others.  I felt my children held me to a far greater standard than their father.  The fear of letting them down was minimal but, it was there.  I could feel my fears-no one could see it.  I rarely showed any outward signs other than a flush of red across my face.  I have learned to live with fear.  To respect it and to recognize the triggers causing it.  To take steps to minimize the exposure to threatening situations and fully comprehend the risks when encountering unpleasant or challenging situations.  Even more importantly I have learned success is an attribute.  It is a mental medal of honor.  A feat and accomplishment building pride, confidence, and integrity.