Have you been on a conference call and your manager or the speaker spoke of certain topics of which you may be either proficient or well functional when you think to yourself; 'why is he/she telling me this? I do a good job.' How about when you are speaking with someone you know-a family member or a friend-and, they take offense to a statement in tandem with the topic of discussion and become defensive? It's NOT about you! It is someone's perspective.
The speaker is making an effort to get the audience to understand, collectively, the importance of a process or an update. It is for the good of the group. The intent is not to make you feel inept. The intent is not to single you out-EVEN THOUGH-you feel the problem you may have discussed in a recent conversation with the speaker is cause to single you out and make you feel bad. You may have been just one of 10 people experiencing the same situation over a relatively recent period of time and the speaker wanted to remind the group of the significance of the fact/process/updated information. Please put the defensive mind to sleep and listen OR you may become so absorbed with your emotion which, can cause you to miss some important information.
The family member or friend...or even a close co-worker. This is a one-on-one or even a small group situation. However, I usually have experienced this in one-on-one conversations over the phone or via email for the most part where the other party cannot see your face or hear your tone. You make a statement regarding a topic of the conversation. Rather than listen, the other party immediately takes a defensive position, cuts you off, or may become upset. You are left wondering what just took place. And, the reverse can occur. Listen; just listen. Consume the content of the statement. Think. Then respond.
Email is another great one. I had an assistant. She reached out to the team. I responded. She became quite upset, went to our manager, and said I had been rude and condescending. I answered her in a few words as I was tight on time and the subject matter was of importance. She asked for a response; not a celebration of life or a feel good dissertation. Whether you are the sender or the recipient; read the email. If you get an immediate anxiety attack or become offended, read it again. Review and re-word the email if sending; re-read the email if received. Sometimes, I review an email 3-4 times before sending for both content and clarity. List your items in a sequence. It makes better communication and less confusion from the readers perspective. And remember; stop being so thin skinned! It's not about you.
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