FEAR FACTOR

 I sat at a red light one morning as I drove to work.  Like cupid's arrow, I was struck with a thought.  Out of nowhere I began to think about fear and mentally ran through events which, had caused tremendous fear in my past.  Walking home late one very dark night with the neighborhood kids after seeing 'Night of the Living Dead' while waiting for one of the creatures to lurch toward us was quite scary.  I lived in fear for many months after that while walking home-a frequent walker in those days.  Getting caught for shoplifting with my girlfriend when we were pre-teens was scary-having to confront her mother and receiving her wrath of anger was far scarier than the police officer at the store.  I lived in fear of doing anything wrong with her daughter again and having to face that flaming red-headed woman.  Water in my face-that is a big one! Caused by my mother at a young age.  Another time for that subject.

I realized I had another fear-the fear of success.  Let that sink in for just a moment.  Fear...of being successful.  Becoming successful elevates one to a different level as viewed by family, peers, and members of the community.  The expectations rise both from within and those around you.  Fear can literally shut one's mind down or cause physical paralysis, cause isolation from the outside world or escape from individuals or situations to avoid an anxious encounter, or keep one from trying to accomplish a task-learn a new trade/profession, and veer away from additional responsibility.

 Fear is a part of our biological make up.  The fight or flight mechanism from the amygdala-an almond shaped part of your brain which, receives signals and causes an increase in stress hormones. Its main function is to regulate our emotions such as fear and aggression and pleasure.    The red flag that waves violently.  The devil and angel on opposite shoulders.  That sick feeling causing a bit a nausea.  A severe instantaneous pain in the temple.  

My fear was real.  I knew I was taking on more responsibility and increasing my exposure in the community.  The success barometer one uses for self can be far different than others.  I felt my children held me to a far greater standard than their father.  The fear of letting them down was minimal but, it was there.  I could feel my fears-no one could see it.  I rarely showed any outward signs other than a flush of red across my face.  I have learned to live with fear.  To respect it and to recognize the triggers causing it.  To take steps to minimize the exposure to threatening situations and fully comprehend the risks when encountering unpleasant or challenging situations.  Even more importantly I have learned success is an attribute.  It is a mental medal of honor.  A feat and accomplishment building pride, confidence, and integrity.

SPONTANEITY

 A difficult concept for some and a surprisingly interesting discovery for others.  Perhaps spontaneity is an in-grown trait; one we are born with as opposed to one which is acquired during the lifespan. I have a friend who plans everything.  Writes it down all the time.  I don't recall a single instance where she has forgotten or confused a time we had planned together in fifty years!  Hey...I have known some people for a really long time and am still blessed with hanging out with them, sharing our children's weddings, or just getting together for Maryland steamed crabs.

I like keeping a schedule-my agenda book-and have done so for several decades-(I like the weekly agenda version).  I could not live without it.  In one book, I have both personal and business events and appointments. Sometimes it is a scribbled mess and I have difficulty deciphering my own handwriting.  On a few occasions, I have made mistakes or missed appointments by either having my agenda open on the wrong week or got really busy in the morning and failed to check it BEFORE I got tangled in the complexities of my day.

However, I have realized to err is human and I manage to give myself some leniency as well as remind myself to do a better job of remembering the importance of keeping appointments and respecting other's time.  Punctuality is a very important part of me and providing a quality level of service to my clients or in my personal life as well as maintain a level of sanity; particularly, when an intense workload or events surround me.

I was driving with my husband on September 11th during COVID.  I had this compelling feeling I had to connect with my patriotism-my belief in my country and it's history of strength and values.  I felt the world around me was losing their minds and I didn't want to fall victim to a fear mentality.  SO.....I convinced him to drive to Hoboken at 3:30 in the afternoon to view the twin towers lit up at night from across the Hudson River.  If you have never been to Hoboken, New Jersey perhaps you would enjoy the Manhattan skyline view as much as we did while sitting at Blue Eyes Restaurant on Frank Sinatra Drive.  The sight was amazing.  BUT, what was equally amazing was his comment to me as we drove in traffic about an hour from our destination.   "You know, since I met you, I have done some interesting things I never thought about."  His spoken words have become a mental treasure.  A gift.  A memory.

Scheduling is all well and good but, what about those times where you don't have anything on your calendar OR when you have an appointment but, you want to change things up?  This is where spontaneous actions will make your day, your job, and your life so much more interesting.  Meet a client at the local ice cream shop instead of the coffee shop, interrupt the group to suggest going outside to talk at the employee picnic tables, take your meeting to the sidewalk and brisk walk for 30 minutes, or pick up the phone and call someone to meet up in the next hour instead of sending an email or text.  Act on a thought or a premise and carry it out to find out where it takes you.  

CHORE CHARTS - CHILDREN AND ADULTS

While raising my 3 children, there was much controversy in the household surrounding the basic family chores from dishes to lawn care.  Everyone creates a mess and lives together so why not everyone take part in maintaining the home, their personal effects, and the outside routine care.  Well.  This is not an easy undertaking.  It requires discipline, follow up, and modification as needed.  One household supervisor is required to keep the flow going smoothly and the disgruntled comments and fighting to a minimum.  

With varying ages and responsibilities like school, work, athletics, and community events this will challenge the best of negotiators and record keepers.  You see; no one wants to replace the toilet paper roll or admit to clogging the toilet or drain.  Laundry-how do you keep the piles down?  And, what about energy related tasks like turning off the lights in vacant rooms, maintaining a comfortable house temperature, or shutting the front door?  

You may get lucky and have one member of the family share the responsibility of supervisor; an assistant.  How can chores be controlled and completed and still maintain a degree of sanity while enjoying a pleasant meal at the end of a day without anxiety and an upset tummy?   I don't suggest incorporating anxiety drugs or antacids.  My suggestion will be a bit difficult to stomach at first and may cause some head scratching but, it worked for years for us.  INDEX CARDS!

Yes, I used 4 lined index cards on the front of the refrigerator-a hole punched in the center and a metal ring going through to easily flip the weeks.  Each card was representative of the chores of the house such as:  taking out the trash and bringing the trash cans back, mowing the lawn/shoveling the sidewalk, washing the dishes, making meals, completing homework, laundry, etc.  The names of the family members were listed on the left and the chores across the line on top of the card.  The week number entered in the space above.  I entered a black check mark under each chore assigned to the family member.  For week two, name one was replaced by name 2, and dropped to the bottom and so forth.  Name two adopted the chores of name one and name one adopted the chores of the last person.  After week 4, you were back to week 1.  Everyone had to clean their own room and make their own beds.  

Interestingly enough, each one of my children wanted to wash their own laundry by age 12.  MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT!  AND, chore charts help prepare your children for a future when mom and dad won't be around to pick up after them. It also keeps the quarreling down.   Pick your battles: if they don't want a clean room and make their bed-close their door.  That is their prerogative.  Give them some control over their own space.  Let each member decide how they want to lay their head down at night or have friends visit their room.  If they keep their room relatively neat, they will have the choice to entertain their friends in the family room or the privacy of their own room.

EVALUATE YOUR TIME

Reviewing the projects and tasks you need to accomplish for the week requires scheduling.  When to evaluate and making time to coordinate is the question.  This is where consistency plays an important role.    Some of these items carry more significant time while others are more time sensitive.  Whether you are in the workplace, at home cleaning out that cluttered closet, or running for a public office it is important to understand the differences of each task.

Evaluate-schedule the time.  Set aside a few minutes or longer if your world is more complex-to write down the items.  I like to use the 1, 2, 3 rule.  You will find out I like 3's.  I have 3 children.  I have owned 3 houses.  I recommend participating in  3 community functions/committees.  One is the most important.  Two is something that has value and is needed to be done and 3 is either something which can be put off OR, completely ignored.  Perhaps 3 will change with time.

As I evaluate what is important I look at dates or the timeframe needed.  Is a task time sensitive and are there other things associated with a task which are either time sensitive OR have a cost value which, may change the order of significance?  Does the task involve other people?  I have worked in a profession requiring many different departments and individuals as well as outside parties which, have to be considered.  A lot of interaction and partners means a lot can change.  Know what is involved in the task.  Get to know the individuals, department personnel, and main contacts of the outside parties.  Be sure to have good contact information and make the information available to the team.  

I also like to refer to the 'IF, THEN, WHAT' mindset-again, 3's.  While studying for my biology major, the lab work was a great hands-on learning experience of this concept.  If you mix compound 1 with compound 2, then this happens.  If it did not happen, then what was needed to make it happen?  Did it need heat or cold-a change in temperature? Did it require an acid-weak or strong-I got it!  Those labs taught  me to 'think it through'-from start to finish.  Repetition equals consistent results.  When you are confident of the process and what your end is going to look like, you will have a better grasp of your evaluation.  For instance; if my client has all the information I need, then I can prepare for my next step, and proceed toward my finish.  But, what if there is an issue that erupts during the process I need to know WHAT course of action is needed to complete to the finish.  Have alternatives in mind-know you may have 2 or 3 things you can resort to OR 1 with a limitation.  Be prepared for the WHAT.

When you complete the evaluation task, keep notes as they may become handy along the way as  reminders and references.  Handling multiple tasks, evaluating their significance and time constraints, will provide a good framework for your success.