LEARNING FROM OTHERS

 I was 28 years old-living with one of my best friends in a rental townhouse; not far from where we both grew up.  At that time, I thought my friend was so much more outgoing than I.  She swam at the local community college, attended concerts, went out on sail boats around the Baltimore harbor and it's tributaries, and went to all kinds of bars and night clubs.  I stayed at home; rarely going out.  Compared to her, I was a 'homebody'.  We both worked and visited one of the two community pools as often as we could after work or on weekends.  She also enjoyed going to Ocean City, Maryland with friends.  I did on rare occasion.

When I was in high school, I met a rather voluptuous girl.  Her name was Sue.  I was thin, flat chested, had straight long medium-dark brown hair, and large blue eyes.  She had a curvy figure with large breasts, cat-like eyes, and  should-length light brown hair which, her neighbor highlighted.  I used Royal Blue Maybelline mascara and a bit of lip gloss.  Sue on the other hand, took about an hour and a half to do her make up - full make up-and, another 20 - 30 minutes to iron her hair.  And, she also used lip gloss-a LOT of it!  She rarely went out of the house without makeup.  We probably made a stunning entry wherever we went.  We complemented one another based on the comments we received. 

In high school, the vice principal once called me 'Ringrose-the-ring-leader' after finding out I had taken a group of girls to my house to lay out in the front yard to 'cop a tan'.   We laid out for another 30 minutes or so and went back to school.  No detention; no calls to our parents.   That's how it was in the 70's.  Sue and I constantly hooked school-all day; not just a class or two like the others.  We partied hard together and loved playing vinyl records on her parents Zenith console.  The whole house shook.  A console was really cool until turntables and 6 foot speakers appeared.   Her adoptive parents were not happy she was so close to a 'gentile' and encouraged her to stick with her 'own people'.  We didn't care.  Sue argued violently with them over this.  We continued to hang out, cleaned her parents house, laughed, and danced.

Sue started experimenting with drugs.  Of course, all the boys provided her with the pot, hash oil, and acid as well as alcohol and cigarettes.  I was a bit more conservative on the drugs.  My choice was Colt 45 malt liquor and Canadian Club.  As we grew older, Sue met a psuedo-drug dealer.  Maybe he was a real drug dealer.  I know he always had drugs and sold them to a lot of people in the area.  Sue changed.  I would visit her and her boyfriend-they lived in a 1 bedroom with a kitchenette on the second floor of a retail store.  When I stopped in to see her, she barely lifted her head up and looked dazed toward the floor as she spoke. Her head would gently wobble about her neck.  There were always different people there and I didn't like how they looked-rather dirty and scraggly.  I didn't visit often and she rarely called me.  Sue changed-a lot.

We got the phone call in the early evening one spring day...I think it was spring.  I can't quite recall but, what was significant was-the great emptiness I felt even though Sue and I had become estranged from one another.  My heart felt like it had broken.  It was as if a part of me vanished into thin air.  There were no real answers about her death.  I heard it was cancer.  AIDS was gaining awareness and I wondered if she contracted it from one of her many partners.  Sue had a lot of abortions.  It was the 70's.  

My roommate was a strong Catholic-a truly good Catholic from a very strong, Irish Catholic family.  We talked a lot about Sue's death.  Since we found out after the fact, we missed the service and funeral.  My roommate told me:  'God has put us on this earth to learn from one another.'  Throughout the years, that single comment has summed up so many experiences for me.  Another way to learn is from others.  Teach one another well OR learn from your own experience.  

LEARNING TO LEARN

I went back to college at age 36.  I had 3 children, was about to lose my home, no job, and very little income.  I lay in bed one morning, the mixture of cool and warm air drifted through my rear bedroom window causing the balloon sheers to ripple in delight as I stretched.  It felt good.  Like cupid's arrow I was shot with the thought to go to Carroll Community College.  The College would help me.  No reason why this happened.  I had been trying to get a job.  I had no money for day care and a car that was 20 years old kept breaking down.  I smiled.  College was my answer.

Some things you just 'know'.  I made arrangements for my sister to watch the children and went to the Admissions Office that afternoon scheduling my first college course.  My doctor had told me the nursing profession would provide good income and later nurse practitioner so I decided to focus on a biology degree.  That was so more difficult than the many other majors out available.  But, true to my 'rebellious by nature and  non-conformist' personality I found my path. 

Along the way I realized I had no clue how to study or learn.  No one had ever taught me.  I loved reading since the age of 5 or 6.  Especially; C.W. Anderson horse book series or Marguerite Henry's 'Misty of Chincoteaque'.  I discovered you had to learn to learn.  There are many methods to learn.  Some of us are audio learners (like my son), some visual (like my daughter), and some through passion (like my other daughter).  But me.....  clueless.  I listened to the younger students and the teachers suggestions.  I found I could learn better by playing background music as I read.  I used lined index cards to write a concept, word, or equation on the blank back and the definition or answer on the lined front.  Much like those addition cards used by elementary school, I would flip them front and back and study them.  

Reading was a chore; unlike those early childhood days with pictures of beautiful illustrations.  And, I had tests, essays, and semester tests which compounded information from the first day of class-like interest on your savings account.  I read and reread until my ADD brain would slow down and the material permeated the gray matter of my brain.  It was rather painful and yet one of the most rewarding times of my life. I ended my Associates Degree on the Deans List.  

In my career, those college skills came in handy.  I am always learning, asking questions, and researching to find answers.  I am told the intranet or internet has all the answers-you just have to learn how to use key words to 'search'.  Learn to learn.  Whatever method you find helpful.  Audio books may be better than holding a book in hand or researching a white background screen resulting in severe eye strain or headache.  Find a 'study buddy' or someone to agree to hold one another 'accountable' for results.  Find a comfortable chair or learning space in your home or office or even the library.  Learning does not need to be painful.  Learning never ends.

BACKGROUND MUSIC

 Every morning I wake up with a song in my head.  I cannot control this.  I have done this most of my life.  Today, it is Tony Orlando and Dawn's 'Knock Three Times'.  Sometimes, I connect to YouTube and play the song and just let the others follow.  Especially, in the afternoons.  In the morning, I am busy reading emails, sorting through the previous day's communications for follow up or disposition, and viewing my agenda for appointments or diaried notes to complete tasks.  Some coaches recommend viewing tasks first to get the business on track for the day.  This is a good approach as well as the emails can put you in a vortex. 

 In your mind, think of a cigarette and the image of the smoke curling, blending with the air until it dissipates.  It is no longer visible but, the chemicals are in the air.  You can still smell the cigarette long after you extinguish the butt.  To some the fragrance is annoying.  To others it is gross.  And, still others find it an invitation to light up.  Your mind responds to chemicals and the release of hormones different from testosterone or estrogen.  For instance, your brain when stressed sends signals from the hypothalamus (a small area at the base of your brain)  to your adrenal glands-on top of your kidneys.  This creates the release of cortisol and adrenaline.  Cortisol affects your fight or flight mechanism.  I call it the 911 affect.  It also alters areas of the brain for the levels of motivation, fear, and can alter your mood.  Adrenaline increases your heart rate.  That's why you feel that strong rush when you review that missed email from the day before and realize you are now late for an important task or failed to call that important client-OR, propels you into action to get things done.

Long-term effects can occur from ongoing stress.  Psychosomatic disorders occur.  Psycho-mind and somatic-body.  Your mind controls your body in so many ways.  Irritability, stomach problems, anxiety and depression are some negative results created by ongoing stress.  Sleep deprivation can occur.  Harness your stress.  Your mind is powerful much like muscle tissue from strength training.  Take walks in the afternoon.  Cook a meal with your spouse or children.  Go out on a date night on Wednesday.  Reduce your sugar and increase your water intake.  Slight adjustments can result in a large end result.  Little things matter and cascade into significant benefits.

In the afternoon, my day can become rather intense and my mind full of tasks to complete.  My head can easily become overwhelmed and I can feel the pulsation as my blood pressure and temperature increase. This is when I turn to music to create background noise.  Music keeps a part of my mind busy so the other part of my brain focuses on key developments, restructuring my business, and working on projects requiring a block of time.  Mondays and Fridays in my work world can be intense and stressful.  Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are good days to go out on appointments, attend business meetings.  They are also good days to schedule blocks of time for marketing and learning.  

Silence may be golden but, playing music is my choice to help calm me and reduce those natural releases from my mind and body.  I become more productive and get more enjoyment from my day.

MULTI - TASKING

There are do's and don'ts-rules of the business world.  One of which is multi-tasking.  Do I or don't I?  Multi-tasking depends a great deal on you and the way you work through your daily tasks.  Look around your home.  Pay close attention to how you start your day.  Are you:   routine oriented, scattered, affected by the weather, or consistent with the time you arise?  Chances are if you have a sink full of dishes in the morning, dread getting out of bed, can't find your glasses-shoes-phone, etc, or drive in a vehicle filled with debris, multi-tasking may not be a good way for you to work.  You can strive toward it to a degree or establish new routines.  

Multi-tasking can be a learned behavior.  Referred to as behavior modification as coined by psychologist B.F. Skinner.  Changing your behavior comes with repeated routine.  Ultimately, turning a behavior into a desired behavior-a negative to a positive if you will takes time, diligence, and concentration.  Listen to any motivational speaker or read their book or listen to their audio tape.    Reinforcement or repeated behaviors is in one of their chapters although the time frame quoted-21 or 30 days to change-is debatable.  Some even as few as 7.  For those claiming they have ADD or ADHD, this may be of benefit as your mind naturally travels while you function.  Repeating thoughts can be visited later or perhaps jotting them down to complete a task at a later time can be a method to remove them from the conscious mind. One has to harness this thought process.  It is not necessarily a deterrence to undermine your success.  

I believe if you have a clean house and keep the bathroom always ready for guests you are in good shape.  Does that mean I vacuum and clean every week or day-no.  What it does mean; there is a level of satisfaction and calm inside my house.  I feel it.  Visiting family and friends feel it.  When sitting down to work in my ergo designed, white swivel chair I first look at my agenda.  I have two monitors, a laptop computer, my fully charged cell phone, and work on an L-shaped glass desk; the left side has a top shelf.  It holds personal items such as my family pictures, an orchid, and a large clear glass bowl filled with things I may need or want to look at on occasion.  The room has 4 windows and a french door opening to a slate patio.  The patio is lined with yellow blooming forsythias in the spring. In the winter, red berries fill the branches of the holly tree in front.  I'm blessed.  I've had many office spaces in the past with no view of the outside world.

Raising three children, taking care of a home, working, attending community events and continuing education, and reading have taught me the valuable commodity of multi-tasking.  I don't feel it is for everyone but, I certainly know it has been a significant tool for my ongoing success.  I have taught myself to become more efficient with multi-tasking.  An example:  viewing and responding to emails, while working from a software program, flipping through the intra-net to find answers, while talking on the phone and reviewing my agenda for the next appointment or to make an appointment.  I still use a physical agenda and keep it open.  A quick view displays my day, the current week, or I flip quickly to any time of the year.  

Multi-tasking is about balance.  It is about structure.  It is about productivity and scheduling.  It is about establishing a routine with the ability to flex and stretch toward a goal.  It is a way to success.

Working From Home-What Do I Wear?

 We have become veterans at working from home these past two years.  We have learned to multi-task, new processes, creating virtual file folders, and working from home did not necessarily mean working shorter hours.  In fact, most people I speak with are working longer hours-even though they are not commuting to their office.  You got this?  From the views of some of the attendees on my earlier Zoom meetings I hope they have changed the way they look.  I was really taken back seeing people in robes and pajamas during board meetings.  To this day, there are a majority of the people in these meetings  virtually in the dark.  They simply do not want to be seen-there names appear under a little black box.  

During a recent conversation with a local business manager I was told she was on many internal business conference calls-practically every day-and was struggling to manage her employees.  At their company, all attendees have to have their camera on...something about their newly formed company policy since they weren't meeting in person during COVID.  One Monday morning, the attendees were viewing a bathroom scene-akin to Psycho (the 1960 black and white Alfred Hitchcock movie)-shower curtain, large mirror, and nude female. You get the picture-I know I had an immediate mental image.  Only difference between the movie and the meeting-it was REAL!  During the meeting a mass email went out to all employees with yet another newly created company policy-the verbiage had more legal ease but the gist of the policy-if anyone made any portion of  any of  the company meetings public, there would be severe legal consequences and immediate termination.

Virtual meetings show a portion of you.  Wear your pajama bottoms if you must but, your audience does not want to see you in your birthday suit or bedtime attire.  Your picture, your image, your projection of dialogue and voice are important and rather significant to the rest of us. To some-this is the future of communications.  We will continue to work from home. Think about how you look to your audience; especially, now that we are choosing a hybrid of working.  A few days in the office-a few days from home.  Whether you are on camera or in person your image is important.  Your co-workers, business partners, and family and friends depend on you to complete the team.  Look in your mirror-for the second time-before you start your day.  Set the pace for your viewers-the audience will be glad you did.