FOLLOW UP

 There are many forms of communication available to us.  Technology has given us a selection to choose from. The internet, phone, computer, social media, texting, as well as sending note cards by mail-take your pick.  Lately, I have been choosing the latter.  When I started my women's networking business this year, I fully understood the concept of  branding my company and myself.  I used the logo created about 10 years ago-before I knew I was starting W.O.W-Women Optimizing Women, LLC-to design a business card with my mission statement.  I found the perfect pre-made note card and added my mission statement.  They are both unique to me and lets the recipient know who I am at a glance.  I like to send the note card after meeting someone or put my business card inside of a letter.  

 Following up after an appointment, a settlement, receiving a gift, or visiting with friends or relatives shows you care and they are appreciated.  The value of the personalized note card is priceless.  I saved so many of the ones I received throughout the years.  I know they are heartfelt and sincere.  After I retired, I gathered the cards and spread them  across my dining room table to re-read and view.  I remembered every, single one of the people and their transaction.  It gave me great pride to have helped them and get to know them and their family-even their pets!

Regardless of the form of communication used, it provides a message stressing the value of another's time and their relevance to you.   The message should be short and easy to decipher.  If you have bad handwriting, either print the note card or use another form of contact.  Text when you have arrived to an appointment or after the appointment as a quick follow up.  Timing is important as well.  My general rule of thumb is to send the card within 24 hours of the event-no later than 72 hours.  I also like to select postal stamps of significance such as the LOVE, orchid, or flag stamps.  They mean a lot to me.

Even after a personal visit with friends or family let them know you made it home safely so they don't have to worry about you; particularly, when the weather is a bit nasty or the hour is late.  When friends or family leave our home, I generally ask them to text me  they when arrive home safely.  We live farther away from most of our family and friends.  The drive is at least an hour for many who visit.  I do the same after I arrive home.  It gives us peace of mind as I am sure it does the same for them.  It only takes a few minutes/moments to show how much others mean to you and your business.

SHOW UP ON TIME

 Have you scheduled a meeting/event and had to wait to get started because the attendees had not shown up?  Had the meeting/event begun and late stragglers entered the room/Zoom and started chatting to the group as someone was speaking?  Have you been late for a meeting/event?  Gotcha!  I don't know of anyone that could honestly answer 'no' to any one of these situations.  I would definitely say 'yes' to all three-guilty! I understand the rationale for being on time.

THAT is precisely why I chose to bring this into the forefront as we are slipping away from protocols and etiquette.  Show respect for the presenters time.   The attendees time.  Respect.  That may sound a bit odd for some.  Without respect and consideration for others where are we as a society?  

I recently left the corporate world.  Mergers and acquisitions  became an expectation for employees.  In-boxes were full of emails from everywhere.  Business includes so many layers of governmental regulation and even policy changes due to societal events. Changes some would say were for the worse-some better due to technology.  One thing did not change.  The importance of showing up on time.  Attending a meeting either virtual or physical a few minutes ahead of the start time was encouraged.

I was forced to work from home.  Much like the rest of our world, I engaged with other groups/committees/businesses in on-line meetings.  I realized  people did not appreciate the concept of being on time.  Worse yet some appeared disheveled, in bathrobes and laughed about it, and some-came late.  Some had children crawling over them.  You get my point-you have been there.  Be mindful of those scheduled commitments.  

For those coordinating: be  mindful of not just the start but end time.  If traveling and attending in person, allow an additional 15 to 30 minutes drive time.  Start the Zoom a few minutes early to make sure you have a good connection.  Set up email reminders or enter an alarm on your cell phone. AND, if needed-contact someone if you are going to be late as soon as you are aware.  They do not need your excuses.  Be brief.   Others are counting on your help/input/expertise.

IT TAKES ONE-- LEAD BY ONE

 Recently, I posted 'IT TAKES TWO'.  This writing takes on a very different topic of one-Y O U.  What can I do you ask?  A lot.  Growing up I was constantly told very negative things from my parents. Quite personal in nature.  Rather debilitating.  And, the most uncomplimentary of comments.  The neighborhood adults recited the same thing to keep the neighborhood children in line such as: speak when you are spoken to, children should be seen and not heard, or do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.
I pause here.  Deliberately.  To take on what was going on as I grew up in the Maryland suburbs.  As an adult now, those sayings were felt to be effective and drive home a point and give us limits and reminders of acceptable behaviors.  As a child then, they meant something different to me.  Especially, if I heard them too often.  Sometimes, stating something repeatedly can build a character or generate low self worth.  The tone used in a saying or statement can cause the recipient to feel 'less than'.  I understood the difference between acceptable adult and child conversation.  Like when I went to my grandmom's house and was asked to go outside and play-they wanted to have 'adult conversation.'  
When reaching adulthood, I realized my parents did the best they could.  Truly.  Just like I do the best I can every day.  One day my best may not be my best of another day.  But, it was my best.  My best may not be the best as viewed by another person or vice versus.  A perception based on what is relative and what the experiences are from our past or from the teachings/morays/laws of the community.
As an adult, the option to lead by example rather than speak the same cliches or sayings emerged.  I learned you can show people how to behave.  You can extend a hand of introduction.  You can smile over the phone-the recipient of the conversation or message hears it.  Stand with your body toward an open door or a group of people as opposed to having your back toward others.  Nod or raise your hand toward someone you recognize across the room accompanied by a smile.  Others see what you do.  Others take note and emulate your actions.  Walk your family or guests to the door or to their car when they leave your home.  Hug people.  
Set yourself apart from others.  Your openness, your smile, your actions and your behaviors are what people see.  Mental images process in the brain quickly. Images will remain far longer than the actual words spoken. The brain internalizes these behaviors through imaging.  Another saying: 'a picture is worth a thousand words.' Invented by Fred R Barnard in 1921 for advertising-attributed to an ancient Japanese philosopher.  Believe me you!
 
 

 

ARGUMENTATIVE PEOPLE

 We all have to deal with argumentative people.  I was recently told I have this issue.  Whether I agree with the person who committed me of such a crime isn't actually relevant. Of course, I stated I beg to differ as I did not know of any prior altercations.  I also did not press the issue as there was another person present.  It was an unfortunate situation.  One thing I can say with certainty; some people express what and who they are capable of outwardly toward others.   A deflective measure and also known as mirror imaging.  They verbalize TO you what THEY are.  There are people who will argue a rather obvious fact.  

I had been complaining about an issue with a close friend practically every time we spoke.  During one of our conversations, my friend changed the subject as I was in mid-stream of my usual rant.  At first, I was taken aback and a bit insulted.  Later, I reflected on her tactful effort and was glad she did.  My tongue was dried up of the complaining. 

I recently commented about the sky getting gray and the temperature was beginning to decrease as the wind increased.  It was a statement of fact.  It was the beginning of a change in weather pattern from warm to cool.   All parties sitting on the back patio were experiencing the same change.   However, one party spoke up stating 'I don't think so.'  There is usually the obvious.  Someone is unknowingly argumentative or disagreeable even though other parties can see or feel or know something different. 

There are also different degrees of this type of personality trait.  When the argumentative personality enters the room or conversation, everyone takes note and some will sit patiently until the moment or event passes as they don't want to appear rude to others if they got up and walked away.  The air feels heavy.  The mood of the people in the room changes.  One can almost feel the tension in the room-touch it...grasp it.  The argumentative person wants to engage in spirited discussion to the point of anger and hostility.  They don't seem to care whether they are upsetting anyone and usually find a target to hammer their point of view.  I wonder if their tongue ever dries up causing serious dehydration.  

Some of us became isolated, sheltered during times of shuttering in place, or working from home.  We can easily lose our ability to communicate.  The communication skills and conversation stimulate our brain and allow us to learn how to be a part of our family, our community, and our workplace.  Dialogue, even though it may be strained or restricted to some degree, is crucial to our health and well being.  

How does one handle the argumentative person when there is no way to avoid the situation?  Ultimately, you have choices.  You can diffuse the person by changing the subject as quickly as possible.  You can leave the room.  You can choose not to attend a gathering if knowing the person will be in attendance or shorten your stay-limiting your exposure.  Perhaps, you can ask the person if they wouldn't mind having the discussion on a one-on-one basis at a later time or in another place.  And, you can always do your best to ignore them.  I find one of the best responses at the onset or within a reasonable point where the conversation is strictly one-sided and is having a negative impact on myself or the attendees is to simply state that the discussion is over and even saying, 'perhaps it is a good idea to change the subject.'  Better yet, change the subject at the first opportunity.  That is adult-like and certainly non-threatening.

Collectively, we have a wide range of view points and topics for discussion.  This is how we learn from one another.  This is how we understand how people think and where their thoughts, ideas, and feelings come from.  Our lives would become rather mundane if we shut down the dialogue or did not take the time to listen to one another.  After experiencing a situation-regardless of what side of the conversation you partake-spend a moment to reflect on how you handled the situation.  You are in control of one person - just ONE - yourself.