HOBBY OR BUSINESS?

One of the initial questions I had to ask the members of my women's networking group, WOW-Women Optimizing Women, is whether they had determined if they had a hobby or a business.  Heads tilted.  Eyes widened. And some ladies were truly uncertain of an adequate response.  I had to elaborate.  To prod delicately as each one of them was quite passionate about what they did.   I also came back with a follow-up question.  What money had they made so far?  Of course, some of the ladies were in various stages and some held multiple jobs while trying to network and convince, literally convince, other attendees that they were a legitimate business.

A hobby by definition, is something you do regularly in your leisure for pleasure such as reading or gardening.  On the other hand, a business is something you do as a regular occupation, trade, or profession.  It is how you make a living; although, some people are far better at making money to support themselves than others.  It can include making widgets, jewelry, practicing a profession such as a lawyer or a doctor, or even providing a service like a limousine, travel agency, computer service, or even networking and consulting.  We've seen retail change from brick-and-mortar structures to online business hosting a wide variety of products from candles and books to lumber and lighting.  The banking and mortgage industry has changed with people forming them for virtual applications and services without meeting with anyone personally.  

I began coordinating a women's networking group over 10 years ago as a way for business women to get together to share their visions, develop relationships, and build their business.  It wasn't a traditional 'hobby' and it certainly was not a 'business' based on the definitions of same.  It lay somewhere in between.  Clearly, women were doing business together and I was making a lot of business contacts and we were meeting on a regular basis.  The networking group gained in strength and the number of participants.  I kept their contact information and sent out invitations for events.  We shared business cards with one another and I kept them for both future reference and to give to other women as they requested a need for a particular person or business entity.  

Eventually, things changed.  It wasn't until I met a gentleman, Tom Mazerski, at Carroll Community College in October of 2021 that I realized I had the components for a business.  Tom and I started communicating about blogging.  I needed help.  As the weeks passed by and he introduced more concepts and ideas, he began asking questions about what I did.  I spoke to him about WOW.  His voice got a bit excited as he exclaimed, "You have a business, Barbara!    You have a following-several hundred ladies, a logo, have conducted regular events, and have great insight." The latter was perhaps more my words than his.  But, I did have insight.  I had a vision.  I was goal oriented and I knew what I wanted for the group.  I had a full-time job requiring a great deal of time and was in no way ready to begin focusing on a business.  

Then, the opportunity presented itself.  One too many corporate monthly meetings soon had my mind shifting in a different direction.  I realized the time had come.  The networking was ready to shift into a business!  The decision was made on April 14, 2022-a little after 1 pm.  I planted my seeds, started an LLC, and began thinking in a different light.  I started building a website.  I continued the WOW networking meetings and began attending other networking events.  I spread the word and used my WOW FB page to update the ladies as I made progress.  I am still in the infancy of a business and each day work toward achieving the next goal and look forward to a prosperous and fulfilling adventure.  

FOCUS

 How hard is it for you to focus on your emails?  To write a story?  To keep on task with the chores you want to accomplish over the weekend?  What about simply reading a topic or a book or following along with the important memo you received from your department head or manager?

Without focus, your mind may go off on a few different tangents at once.  Reining in your thoughts may be one of the hardest things to do.  You may think this is something you alone struggle with.  Factors that can affect your focus could be stress, fatigue or perhaps you have a bit of ADD (attention deficit disorder).  It can build up until you feel somewhat anxious.  Each of us wrestles with this.  You are far from being alone.  Did you know that hormone levels may also affect your ability to focus?  

If you had difficulty seeing, you would make an appointment with your eye doctor.  I know I do.  Actually, I found out I had an issue with reading on my computer.  I have a 34" monitor to help me as I can split screens in a variety of ways to view multiple web pages and emails simultaneously.  I squinted my eyes and felt pressure as I furrowed my brow to regain my focus.  I am on my computer off and on for 6 to 8 hours a day.  Upon a recent visit to my ophthalmologist and after several of the usual tests she performs each year, I shared my issues with her.  Admittedly, she shared she had a similar problem and we discussed my working conditions and how long I used my computer each day.  "Aha!", she exclaimed.  You need a different pair of glasses."  I am both near and far-sighted and have an astigmatism.  My progressive glasses were not enough. Progressive lenses allow you to see clearly-far, close, and everything in between.  It is a seamless transition for everyday activities and provides a more natural window into the world. I have used both contacts and glasses since I was 19 years old but, never realized I had another alternative.  It worked!!  The computer glasses help me tremendously.  One caveat:  I quickly learned, however, I could not drive with them.  

The same holds true with your ability to focus on the other things in life.  Educate yourself on the topic of focus.  Take time to invest in yourself.  Eliminate distractions and multitasking.  These actions stop you from focusing.  Practicing meditation and taking breaks during the day helps to reinvigorate your brain and is useful.  Sleep deprivation is probably the culprit of many of our issues along with proper hydration.  'Brain slapping', a phrase I coined decades ago can be a useful tool to stop overthinking.  Stopping yourself from allowing the multitude of thoughts by stating, out loud if needed, "I need to focus on..."     When your mind drifts, bring yourself back to the task at hand.  Hold yourself accountable.  Practice a method like brain slapping and take a look at your current habits to change and improve your focus.  Repetition is the way to learn a new skill or habit.  And, be patient.  Making any change requires time.

MIRROR IMAGING

 Just as we see ourselves differently in our reflection in the mirror, we can also outwardly reflect our innermost feelings of negativity toward others.  We project feelings of disdain toward another person while experiencing inner turmoil and conflict.  All this occurs while we view ourselves as the morally just or righteous one.  We all receive information via our senses:  smell, taste, sound, touch, and vision while the perception of the data received is as unique as our personality and can alter how we interpret and respond to a situation.  Our past experiences and observations, activities we participated in, our community morays, or discriminations can play a role in this process as well.  

The viewpoint of self versus the viewpoint of another is conflicting.  It can be evil or aggressive outwardly toward another party while being positive and complimentary of self. Both parties can experience this same effect while in turmoil and conflict while feeling themselves as correct and the other is not.  We may be justified by fact and logic while the other party is dependent on emotion and feelings.  This opposition is most notable in the field of politics or in our religious sector.  We can become afraid or hostile with unreasonable views. Or feel justified in our righteousness and our teachings. This can also lead to misunderstandings, an escalation in conflict, and even physical violence.  

While trying to get my hair under control after a shower, I often brush my hair over the sink to isolate the loose strands while keeping them from landing on the floor.  It is easier to wipe the sink with a slightly damp tissue and throw it in the trash can than sweep or quick vacuuming of the ceramic tile.   I hate hairy floors underfoot. Then, I try to arrange my half-dried strands into a manageable position.  I'm not big on hair driers or hot curling irons.  Have you stood in the mirror and tried to fix your hair with a comb or brush?  It is the complete opposite.  As you pull the hair outward it is just the opposite side of what you intend to do.  It takes a bit of focus and a level of comprehension to understand as the right side appears to be on the left and vice versa.  

I want my image from my mirror to be consistent with how others interpret me.  I've changed a lot from several years past when there was a time I didn't give it much thought.  I just didn't have the time nor would I make the time.  If we want to, if we have the desire, and if we are honest with ourselves we can change our self-image.  We can also change the mirror imaging we project toward others.  We have time.  We can focus.  But, we must WANT to do this.  It is not a need.  Our basic needs are more likely met already.  Wanting to do something is far different than a need.  Changing the way we see and view our world can be done by looking at the side-one side versus the other.  Recognizing there is a difference and we cannot change that of what we see but, can change how we internalize it. And how we respond to it.  Look in the mirror.  What do you see?

  

THE LOOKING GLASS

Have you looked in the mirror recently?  I mean; really looked?  And, what do you see?   Are you seeing a tired face?  A person you don't recognize or are you greeted with a reflection of satisfaction or happiness?  Seeing yourself in the mirror may be different from how others see you.  Chances are, you don't give yourself enough credit for who you are and you walk away flipping off the light switch with a quick shrug of your shoulders.  

For many years, I did not truly see myself in the mirror.  I looked to make sure my blouse was buttoned and my mascara was not too clumpy on my eyelashes.  I accepted the way I looked even though I did not necessarily LIKE the way I looked.  I did not have time to change anything.  I would not take the time for myself as I had so many others to either look after or assist in the upcoming hours.  I became complacent with my looks and was aware others took time for themselves-rising an hour earlier just to savor that morning cup of coffee in solitude or put curlers in their hair or apply a variety of makeup to their face and lips.

My grandmother and I were on the way to bingo one night.   She stopped at the mirror in her one-bedroom apartment before we left. The silver on the back of the mirror had been slowly decaying over the past couple of years.  There were several pitted areas in the middle. She put her fuchsia-colored felt hat on her head carefully tilting it just so until it fit and looked just right.  She gave her hat a quick tug.  Her lipstick stood upright on her dresser atop the milk glass, opaque white glass dish where she also kept her wedding band when she did the dishes or the cleaning.  She always wore red lipstick when she went out. Carefully, she slipped the wedding band on her left ring finger.  She picked up and wound the soft creamy tube about a half inch from the inside of the gold-colored metal container and gently applied the vibrant color to her thin, pale lips keeping the tip sharp.  I stood watching her in my hot pants, wearing red-colored wooden Dr. Scholl's sandals, a halter top, and a puka necklace.  It was summertime in the later part of the 1970s.  

"I don't recognize that Marie," my grandmother said as she stood frozen.  Her eyes moved around as she looked at her reflection.  She was 75 years old.  "I hope you don't get all these wrinkles," she added as she tilted her head slowly from side to side.  She saw herself so differently than I saw her.  I saw her as an independent active woman.  She loved going to bingo 5 to 7 nights a week and would often ride the bus alone to get across town if no one was available to take her.  She knew most of the ladies by name and often stopped to talk to a few of them before she sat down at 'her table'.  She enjoyed watching the news each evening and commented on the topics.  She watched Jeopardy and spoke outwardly to Art Fleming-the gameshow host-giving him the answers.  She was right a lot more often than not.  

I remember that night to this day.  I've often thought about the difference between what she saw in her reflection and what I saw.  The other day, I looked in the mirror.  My first thought was critical of myself and I felt a bit down on what I would focus on that day.  Then, I looked harder at myself and deeper into my own eyes.  I stood very still.  Much like my grandmother did those many years before.  'No,' I thought.  I'm going to be successful.  I'm going to make things happen.  I am not going to quit. I flipped the switch and a smile formed on my face.  No shrug.  Instead, I felt confident.

COMPETITION

I HAVE OFTEN SAID I do not have any competition other than myself.  However, I am cognizant of what others are doing and I look toward them as examples of what I want to do or not to do.  I learn from others.  I learn what they are capable of.  I look at their techniques and listen to them speak and occasionally take a note or two as a reminder for future reference.  As a salesperson, I set my goals in November and look at the current year's performance.  I take note in October of what lies ahead and focus on finishing the year with a look a bit further into the New Year.  Each year, this has become a routine for me.  I keep records of my accomplishments.  

It is important to be aware of others and what they do.  It helps strengthen our tools and often inspires us to become more creative.  I know it does this for me.  Otherwise, I would not be able to grow.  And, I have no problem asking others about their success, and the methods they used to acquire it and then I make an adjustment or two to improve my performance.  I realize each of us has a different set of circumstances or opportunities which can make our work/life balance harder or easier.  In the end, I am fully focused on myself and on my performance.   I recognize what I feel I can do and what those strengths have become-not feel less than or superior to others.  True balance is within the self.  True balance develops over time.  Constraints form.  Internal walls can be built to decrease production and growth but, with practice and tenacity the walls can be penetrated or removed.

Whether the competitive spirit lives within one's self or you are compelled to compete against others, the thirst and desire to strive for better build our confidence and our self-worth.  The competition makes our blood pressure surge and our hormone levels change.  It increases our heart rate and drives blood carrying oxygen throughout our body into every capillary-the smallest blood vessel.  We can visually see the pulsating and rising of our veins beneath our skin.  We are alive with passion in our hearts and the thrill of victory in our minds.  

Competition-the game of champions and the way of life.  How you process the competitive side of your natural self and bring forth the best to your fullest capabilities while knowing the game is always subject to change.  Keep in mind and focus on what makes you feel more successful or what brings you more satisfaction.  It may not include a significant financial gain.