APOLOGIZE

 When you were a small child, your parents/elders taught you to apologize.  Sometimes, going as far as to  demand an apology for a wrong-doing.  Perhaps, the incident made you feel guilty, small, or embarrassed.  The impact of your words, act, or deed  on the other party inflicted an injury requiring the apology.   It was supposed to teach you the importance of understanding the relevance of your words and their depth and impact.  To not only say the words of an apology to the offended party but, show a sense of remorse or empathy in the process.  

Words:  a single distinct meaningful form of speech can also be used in the written form.  A heartfelt letter to a loved one or significant person from your past or in your current time of living can literally absolve or even transform the relationship and the event from a fiery incessant wound to a blurred memory.  Words can make amends and show the other party how strong of a person you are and build rapport and trust.

To apologize-to speak or write these two words, 'I'm sorry', can make such a rather large difference in both how you are perceived and in how you feel about yourself.  I didn't fully understand this as a child. I certainly couldn't understand the relevance of such a simple act and the after effects.  There were even times my parents would insist I apologize, I would say I was sorry, and yet I either didn't know what I apologized for OR the incident was caused by the other party.  The other party just happened to get to my mother or father or teacher first and make me look like the bad person.  Likewise, I would occasionally do the same thing kind of a 'like begets like' and it usually involved my siblings and me.  Not genetics but, familial in nature.

As an adult, I now  understand the essence of the apology and even a partial apology may better and build a once damaged relationship.  I know I can use the words with sincerity and regain trust.  Quite powerful.  Although, I also know there are times when an apology barely scratches the surface.  Start the process-regardless of when the event occurred-and say it, write it, mean it.  Apologize.

SAVING FOR TOMORROW

 I recently decided to retire.  It is time.  There are so many things to do and see.  So much of life to live.  All pathways from my past are leading to a beautiful bouquet of amazing projects and ideas for my retirement years.  I am 'retiring' from a 24/7 job.  But, I guess I am not truly 'retiring'.  Let me explain.  I am not going to plop my butt on the sofa watching television, or watching grand children, or watching others stroll down a beach.  One of my clients, when I explained my plans after leaving my current profession, expressed it best.  She said, 'you are not re-tiring; you are re-focusing.'

Well, that is quite true.  And, several of the reasons I will be able to do what I have planned is because I decided to save for tomorrow.  IF, I would not have listened to certain un-named parties from my past I would be in FAR better financial shape today.    In 2004, I applied for a job with a pension.  A future savings plan.  In 2005, I started a 401k with a 6% employer contribution; another savings plan.   And, there is Social Security a joint savings plan with my past employers.  The combination of the 3 sources of income will provide a living for my 'golden years.' I began an investment account on my own with Robin Hood. I also set aside a couple of hundred dollars each month for annual fun stuff like vacations, birthdays, and weddings.   

Invest in yourself  or pay yourself first is not just some words from highly notable speakers and wealthy entrepreneurs and investors such as Warren Buffett.  Investing in yourself, paying yourself first is your nest egg for your future.  Keep in mind each person must make their own decisions for their financial health and well being.  Trusting individuals close to you may not be a good idea.  OR,  the people that say 'p-tuii' - I live for today.  Well: ok.  That may be good for them.  Is it good for you?

I suggest speaking with a third party such as a financial advisor in your community or at your bank.  Someone you can sit in front of preferably.  AND, if their recommendations sound too good to be true i.e. 'we'll get you a rate of return twice as much as what other investors do for their clients' RUN.  Just end the conversation with a simple 'thank you.'  REMINDER:  Ponzi scheme ala Bernie Madoff.  One of the most recent notorious of schemers.  If you do not know what a Ponzi scheme is, I suggest doing some research on this topic.

Saving for tomorrow may sound like an incredible reduction of your net available cash today; however, the growth of your investment(s) may provide an income level equal to or better than your current income.  There is great potential.  As my husband has stated in a somewhat jokingly and rather frequent comment to me; 'I need you to keep me living in the style I have grown accustomed.'  

SHARPEN YOUR PENCIL.

Organization is a significant component of success. What tools you use for organization may vary depending on  your skills.  I suggest the basics.  An agenda, outlook calendar, color blocking, and a weekly/daily/monthly review.  The skills you possess-you know yourself best-don't be afraid to learn different tools to get the job done. Sharpen your pencil if you will.

I will give a few tips based on my experiences.  In my business world-a fast paced and ever changing industry-a lot of details are either stored in the cerebral matter or by using 'to do lists' or post its.  There are significant appointments, meetings, conferences, educational sessions, and work time that is a part of every week.  Networking and other events occur after the normal work day or even on weekends.  I use an agenda to write in a title of the appointment, etc. in red ink.  Red is for the important things.  It catches my eye.   I write phone numbers in blue/red ink under a clients name to save time from looking up a number.  I highlight my tasks in yellow upon completion.  Outlook and a #2 pencil are great when you need to constantly change your schedule.  Keep a little pencil sharpener handy to sharpen your pencil!  I also like the thought of an old wall pencil sharpener; may serve as an exercise to reduce stress.

Color blocking is for a cluster of hours to do a project(s).  Something that may take several hours.  Using a color marker to mark off a period of time during the day or color code in outlook.  The key:  do not answer the phone, open and review email, or leave your office door open for passerby's to interrupt  to maximize the effect of color blocking activities.  Keep the time and day of the week consistent for regularly occurring work.  Tuesday through Thursday may be best production days or networking days.

Take a few minutes on Sunday night or early Monday morning to review the events scheduled for the week.  It's much like planting seeds, weeding the garden, and harvesting the crops.  There is a beginning, a level of maintenance, and an end.  Next week, the process begins anew.  Be consistent.  This is like any other work behavior.  The learning factor depends on how you learn i.e. by audio, visual, hands on, note taking or a combination of these methods. Change is best over time.  Slowly.  It lasts longer!

Don't forget to examine your weeks' production at either the end or beginning of the new week.  Were you organized?  Were you late to appointments?  Did you over schedule?  Most people set unrealistic goals of  10 when they usually are only capable of completing 2 or 3 appointments/tasks in a  day in addition to their regular maintenance and job responsibilities.  Be honest;  is your number realistic?  You can certainly strive to add more with time as you become proficient in certain areas.  Remember:  everyone has the same amount of hours in a day and same number of days in a week.  

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU

 Have you been on a conference call and your manager or the speaker spoke of certain topics of which you may be either proficient or well functional when you think to yourself; 'why is he/she telling me this?  I do a good job.'  How about when you are speaking with someone you know-a family member or a friend-and, they take offense to a statement in tandem with the topic of discussion and become defensive?  It's NOT about you!  It is someone's perspective.

The speaker is making an effort to get the audience to understand, collectively, the importance of a process or an update.  It is for the good of the group.  The intent is not to make you feel inept.  The intent is not to single you out-EVEN THOUGH-you feel the problem you may have discussed in a recent conversation with the speaker is cause to single you out and make you feel bad.  You may have been just one of 10 people experiencing the same situation over a relatively recent period of time and the speaker wanted to remind the group of the significance of the fact/process/updated information.  Please put the defensive mind to sleep and listen OR you may become so absorbed with your emotion  which, can cause you to miss some important information.

The family member or friend...or even a close co-worker.  This is a one-on-one or even a small group situation.  However, I usually have experienced this in one-on-one conversations over the phone or via email for the most part where the other party cannot see your face or hear your tone.  You make a statement regarding a topic of the conversation.  Rather than listen, the other party immediately takes a defensive position, cuts you off, or may become upset.  You are left wondering what just took place.  And, the reverse can occur.  Listen; just listen.  Consume the content of the statement.  Think.  Then respond.

Email is another great one.  I had an assistant.  She reached out to the team.  I responded.  She became quite upset, went to our manager, and said I had been rude and condescending.  I answered her in a few words as I was tight on time and the subject matter was of  importance.  She asked for a response; not a celebration of life or a feel good dissertation. Whether you are the sender or the recipient; read the email.  If you get an immediate anxiety attack or become offended, read it again.  Review and re-word the email if sending; re-read the email if received.  Sometimes, I review an email 3-4 times before sending for both content and  clarity.  List your items in a sequence.  It makes better communication and less confusion from the readers perspective.  And remember; stop being so thin skinned!  It's not about you.